“You’d be surprised how many people have heart attacks with a snow shovel in their hands,” I heard over and over from the hospital personnel.
“That’s it!” I thought. “Let’s blame the sledge hammer and the pickax.”
It’s the most “natural man” thing in the world to search for something or someone to blame—something or someone that Is Not Us! Many people pay a therapist to “peel the onion” and see what lurks inside. King David humbly invites the Lord to take an intensive look when he says “Search me, O God, and know my heart” (Psalms 139:23). My cardiologist went in with a camera and tools for excavating. The point is to look beyond the obvious.
As we say in addiction recovery, our problem is “a symptom of other causes and conditions” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing p, 21). And so it was with the condition of my heart. It wasn’t really about the sledge hammer or the pickax, the high blood pressure or the extreme discomfort. Even the enzymes in my blood were not the enemy. They were all indicators.
All recovery, cardiac or otherwise, requires that we look for clues deep within, beyond the hammer and the ice or whatever person, place, thing, or situation we’re tempted to blame. It takes courage to locate the real blockage—the actual thing that has us stuck. Today I’m grateful for physical and spiritual clues—even painful ones—that help me take positive action on the condition of my heart.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, September 4, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Heart-deep Recovery Lesson 1: Who Me? No Way! (Part Two of Four)
“But I have such a healthy life style today!” I announced to the cardiologist as I lay in bed breathing from an oxygen tube. “I exercise and eat right! I’ll have you know I’ve lost 97 lbs!”
“Past sins and heredity,” he responded with a grim smile.
Years ago I remember sitting in a hospital waiting room listening to my mom give her family history of heart disease to the physician’s assistant right before her angiogram and quadruple bypass surgery. I remember thinking. “Nannette, you really should take this personally.” I didn’t though. I didn’t get it ‘til now.
I really am a product of the strengths and weaknesses that have been passed down the family line along with all the actions, good and bad I have taken over a lifetime. I’m certainly grateful I did not weigh 97 lbs. more when I had my heart attack. Repentance is real. We can turn around. Change is real. With direction and power from God we can break cycles that are generations old, but healing the heart whether physically or spiritually, takes time and patience and willingness to cooperate. I have learned that I can’t ever take the health of my heart for granted. The way I live today both physically and spiritually has the power to reach across the years and counter what I have inherited and what I have inflicted upon myself.
My heart attack was an invitation from the Lord to do just that and though it’s been hard, I’m grateful for the wake-up call. My life’s work is to come unto Christ and overcome what all of us are challenged with, heredity and our own past sins.” So, “Yes Me!” “Why not me!”
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, September 3, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
“Past sins and heredity,” he responded with a grim smile.
Years ago I remember sitting in a hospital waiting room listening to my mom give her family history of heart disease to the physician’s assistant right before her angiogram and quadruple bypass surgery. I remember thinking. “Nannette, you really should take this personally.” I didn’t though. I didn’t get it ‘til now.
I really am a product of the strengths and weaknesses that have been passed down the family line along with all the actions, good and bad I have taken over a lifetime. I’m certainly grateful I did not weigh 97 lbs. more when I had my heart attack. Repentance is real. We can turn around. Change is real. With direction and power from God we can break cycles that are generations old, but healing the heart whether physically or spiritually, takes time and patience and willingness to cooperate. I have learned that I can’t ever take the health of my heart for granted. The way I live today both physically and spiritually has the power to reach across the years and counter what I have inherited and what I have inflicted upon myself.
My heart attack was an invitation from the Lord to do just that and though it’s been hard, I’m grateful for the wake-up call. My life’s work is to come unto Christ and overcome what all of us are challenged with, heredity and our own past sins.” So, “Yes Me!” “Why not me!”
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, September 3, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Heart-deep Recovery (Part One of Four)
One January 25th of 2010 it somehow got to be afternoon and I hadn’t exercised yet. After lunch I started contemplating, “Just how am I going to go about getting just enough exercise to appease my conscience today?” I got a little creative. My husband had left to run some errands. Out in the street in front of our house was a thick slab of ice. He had been working on it for days, trying to clear it out so we’d have more available parking. Our house faces north and I’ve often joked that we live in a glacier. Every year, as the grass greens up and the daffodils bloom in the yards across the street we still enjoy enough white on the lawn to build a good size snowman.
Well this January afternoon that thick slice of dirty, frozen, white winter called my name. I had never used a sledge hammer, but I knew where it was kept, and the idea of swinging and making my mark on that ice filled me with some kind of delight. I opened the garage door and grabbed the tool. This activity was going to count for gym time, so I gave it everything I had. My goal suddenly became not simply to get a little exercise but to have that ice entirely broken up before my husband returned. I knew I didn’t have long so I went at it hard! There was something very satisfying about swinging that sledge hammer--the centrifugal pull on my shoulders, the power of letting it fall on the freeze and the sound of thick ice cracking. About half-way through I glanced in the garage and noticed that right there next to where the sledge hammer was kept was a pickax. “Why not,” I said to myself. “This might be even more effective!”
As my husband rounded the corner I was done breaking up the entire sheet of ice and was finishing my afternoon workout by shoveling pieces of ice into the street for quick melting. My very surprised husband was happy to take the shovel and finish the job. Pretty satisfied that this twenty-five minute extreme workout could compensate for an hour at the gym I walked into the house.
As I entered my room a sick feeling I had never experienced before washed over my body. I knew that I was not only done exercising, I was done in! I was not in what you might call a great deal of pain, but a tremendous weariness seemed to emanate from my chest and fill my entire body.
I was removing my wet clothes when my friend Pat called. I put the phone to my ear and lay down on my bed. As she chattered away the feeling grew worse until I excused myself for a minute. I had a borrowed blood pressure monitor and it came into my mind that it was time to try it out. It registered 191 over 115. Back in October a doctor had given me a prescription of nitroglycerin after a less severe rise in my blood pressure. I went back to the phone, reported my findings and told my friend that perhaps this was the moment to put one of those small white pills under my tongue. I called my husband in, chewed up an aspirin, and asked my husband for a blessing. The pressure came down a few notches. I called my doctor who thought it was simply the result of my intense exercise. He suggested I give it a little time and all would be well.
“That’s good,” I thought and proceeded to make dinner. I continued to check my blood pressure every hour. Not much changed. Determined I was not going to spend the night in the ER, by gum, I took charge of the situation. I tried the “don’t think about it” system…the relax and make dinner system…the relax and watch a movie system. But at midnight my blood pressure was still extremely elevated, and my daughters, who are registered nurses, insisted I go to the emergency room. After several revealing tests, the attending physician insisted that I spend the night. I was admitted into the hospital. I soon realized that the only thing I was going to be in charge of was one of those nice beds with a thin mattress and a remote control.
I’d started the day feeling like a young 55 and now I lay in a hospital bed feeling old and trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. The blood work confirmed a heart attack. The next morning the angiogram revealed a blockage in my heart and the cardiologist placed a stent in one of my arteries.
I left the hospital with a 172 page Heart Care Handbook, prescriptions for eight medications to lower my blood pressure, thin my blood, and prevent cholesterol from playing havoc in my arteries, and finally, a referral to cardiac rehab. Wow!
Often the Lord is subtle and I have to really be on the lookout for what He might be trying to teach me. Other times there are events in life were His message is loud, clear, and unmistakable. This was just such an event.
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, September 2, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Well this January afternoon that thick slice of dirty, frozen, white winter called my name. I had never used a sledge hammer, but I knew where it was kept, and the idea of swinging and making my mark on that ice filled me with some kind of delight. I opened the garage door and grabbed the tool. This activity was going to count for gym time, so I gave it everything I had. My goal suddenly became not simply to get a little exercise but to have that ice entirely broken up before my husband returned. I knew I didn’t have long so I went at it hard! There was something very satisfying about swinging that sledge hammer--the centrifugal pull on my shoulders, the power of letting it fall on the freeze and the sound of thick ice cracking. About half-way through I glanced in the garage and noticed that right there next to where the sledge hammer was kept was a pickax. “Why not,” I said to myself. “This might be even more effective!”
As my husband rounded the corner I was done breaking up the entire sheet of ice and was finishing my afternoon workout by shoveling pieces of ice into the street for quick melting. My very surprised husband was happy to take the shovel and finish the job. Pretty satisfied that this twenty-five minute extreme workout could compensate for an hour at the gym I walked into the house.
As I entered my room a sick feeling I had never experienced before washed over my body. I knew that I was not only done exercising, I was done in! I was not in what you might call a great deal of pain, but a tremendous weariness seemed to emanate from my chest and fill my entire body.
I was removing my wet clothes when my friend Pat called. I put the phone to my ear and lay down on my bed. As she chattered away the feeling grew worse until I excused myself for a minute. I had a borrowed blood pressure monitor and it came into my mind that it was time to try it out. It registered 191 over 115. Back in October a doctor had given me a prescription of nitroglycerin after a less severe rise in my blood pressure. I went back to the phone, reported my findings and told my friend that perhaps this was the moment to put one of those small white pills under my tongue. I called my husband in, chewed up an aspirin, and asked my husband for a blessing. The pressure came down a few notches. I called my doctor who thought it was simply the result of my intense exercise. He suggested I give it a little time and all would be well.
“That’s good,” I thought and proceeded to make dinner. I continued to check my blood pressure every hour. Not much changed. Determined I was not going to spend the night in the ER, by gum, I took charge of the situation. I tried the “don’t think about it” system…the relax and make dinner system…the relax and watch a movie system. But at midnight my blood pressure was still extremely elevated, and my daughters, who are registered nurses, insisted I go to the emergency room. After several revealing tests, the attending physician insisted that I spend the night. I was admitted into the hospital. I soon realized that the only thing I was going to be in charge of was one of those nice beds with a thin mattress and a remote control.
I’d started the day feeling like a young 55 and now I lay in a hospital bed feeling old and trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. The blood work confirmed a heart attack. The next morning the angiogram revealed a blockage in my heart and the cardiologist placed a stent in one of my arteries.
I left the hospital with a 172 page Heart Care Handbook, prescriptions for eight medications to lower my blood pressure, thin my blood, and prevent cholesterol from playing havoc in my arteries, and finally, a referral to cardiac rehab. Wow!
Often the Lord is subtle and I have to really be on the lookout for what He might be trying to teach me. Other times there are events in life were His message is loud, clear, and unmistakable. This was just such an event.
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, September 2, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Monday, July 12, 2010
“Is This the Finale?” - Step 3 Trust in God
Sometimes we talk about our need for the Lord to be a little more direct in His communication with us. We joke about hoping to receive a phone call or an email or a visitation or something big indicating His word directly and personally. When I’m in great need I often ask the Lord to please speak loud and clear because I’m not all that perceptive. Well, this past holiday season, the one where we celebrated our independence, the Lord spoke to me with a real bang.
My husband and I had just left the theater after seeing “To Kill a Mockingbird.” The evening was growing late and I was weary, but we had one more stop to make. We drove quietly toward the end of the parade route where our children and grandchildren had spent the evening laughing, visiting, eating treats, waving at city royalty, chasing after candy thrown from passing floats, standing for the Colors, cheering for their alma mater high school band, and waiting for dark and fireworks.
As we drove along in silence to the designated meeting spot, I watched the crowd of people–families with little children—out my window, and a familiar sinking feeling came over me, a feeling I have entertained over and over in the last few years. I knew the feeling was associated somehow with my personal midlife crisis – the growing up and moving on of my five children. In the silence of my own mind I asked, “What is it Lord? What is this feeling? I need to be able to grasp it and deal with it!”
The following words came into my mind along with a feeling of great compassion, “Nannette, you are afraid that the best part of your life is over.”
The words were surprising to me and came with great force and clarity. “That’s it exactly!”
This simple new understanding was enough. The Lord didn’t have to give me any more, but He did.
We parked the car and walked several blocks. We were still looking for familiar faces when the first explosion of red, white, and blue went off and the crowd cheered. I walked along holding Marv’s arm and looking into the sky, not wanting to miss a thing. Eventually we recognized the potpourri of family camped on the side of the parade route – our kids, their kids, my sister’s kids, and their kids, and a few miscellaneous friends. We had forgotten our usual Grandma and Grandpa folding chairs so I spotted a place on the tarp just big enough for two and we joined the group.
The night was beautiful, the temperature perfect. And these were not the far away kind of fireworks. This was the kind of fireworks show that explodes in magnificent bursts right over your head and the glistening fire trickles down like fairy dust and burns out in a flicker. Uncharacteristically I leaned back and laid my Saturday weary body down on the tarp and stared directly into the sky. There were plenty of wows and ohs and ahs coming from our little group but there was one little one whose simple comments struck fire to my heart. Six-year-old Sammy stood next to her mother’s lounge chair, right above my head. Over and over, after each blast of magnificent colored fire, she asked, “Mom, is this the finale’?” “Mom, is this the finale’?” “Mom, is this the finale’?” She was afraid that the experience would end too soon and was so sure that it couldn’t get any better. But it went on and on and on, one splendiferous burst after another.
I laid there on the blue camp tarp listening to Sammy and watching the sky until I was almost dizzy, knowing God was talking to me. “Nannette, you think the best part of your life is over, that the good part ended too soon and you’re so sure it can’t possibly get better than what you’ve experienced, that the finale’ has come and gone. Come stand next to my lounge chair and let’s watch together the beautiful blaze of life from my vantage point: sunrises and sunsets, babies born and children kneeling at the altar, circles of tenderness and laughter and encouragement and empathy, spring flowers and first snowfalls, the bird nest outside your kitchen window. Now ask me just like Sammy, every time you observe something wonderful, “Is this the finale’?” “Is this the finale’?” “Is this the finale’?” and my answer will be Eternally ‘No!’ because in My world, in the world of the Gods there is no end to the best part of living. So lie back and relax and enjoy what’s right before your very eyes. Stare deeply into the blazing sky and then allow your finite mind to trust the One who is over the infinite good that lies just ahead."
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, July 12, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
My husband and I had just left the theater after seeing “To Kill a Mockingbird.” The evening was growing late and I was weary, but we had one more stop to make. We drove quietly toward the end of the parade route where our children and grandchildren had spent the evening laughing, visiting, eating treats, waving at city royalty, chasing after candy thrown from passing floats, standing for the Colors, cheering for their alma mater high school band, and waiting for dark and fireworks.
As we drove along in silence to the designated meeting spot, I watched the crowd of people–families with little children—out my window, and a familiar sinking feeling came over me, a feeling I have entertained over and over in the last few years. I knew the feeling was associated somehow with my personal midlife crisis – the growing up and moving on of my five children. In the silence of my own mind I asked, “What is it Lord? What is this feeling? I need to be able to grasp it and deal with it!”
The following words came into my mind along with a feeling of great compassion, “Nannette, you are afraid that the best part of your life is over.”
The words were surprising to me and came with great force and clarity. “That’s it exactly!”
This simple new understanding was enough. The Lord didn’t have to give me any more, but He did.
We parked the car and walked several blocks. We were still looking for familiar faces when the first explosion of red, white, and blue went off and the crowd cheered. I walked along holding Marv’s arm and looking into the sky, not wanting to miss a thing. Eventually we recognized the potpourri of family camped on the side of the parade route – our kids, their kids, my sister’s kids, and their kids, and a few miscellaneous friends. We had forgotten our usual Grandma and Grandpa folding chairs so I spotted a place on the tarp just big enough for two and we joined the group.
The night was beautiful, the temperature perfect. And these were not the far away kind of fireworks. This was the kind of fireworks show that explodes in magnificent bursts right over your head and the glistening fire trickles down like fairy dust and burns out in a flicker. Uncharacteristically I leaned back and laid my Saturday weary body down on the tarp and stared directly into the sky. There were plenty of wows and ohs and ahs coming from our little group but there was one little one whose simple comments struck fire to my heart. Six-year-old Sammy stood next to her mother’s lounge chair, right above my head. Over and over, after each blast of magnificent colored fire, she asked, “Mom, is this the finale’?” “Mom, is this the finale’?” “Mom, is this the finale’?” She was afraid that the experience would end too soon and was so sure that it couldn’t get any better. But it went on and on and on, one splendiferous burst after another.
I laid there on the blue camp tarp listening to Sammy and watching the sky until I was almost dizzy, knowing God was talking to me. “Nannette, you think the best part of your life is over, that the good part ended too soon and you’re so sure it can’t possibly get better than what you’ve experienced, that the finale’ has come and gone. Come stand next to my lounge chair and let’s watch together the beautiful blaze of life from my vantage point: sunrises and sunsets, babies born and children kneeling at the altar, circles of tenderness and laughter and encouragement and empathy, spring flowers and first snowfalls, the bird nest outside your kitchen window. Now ask me just like Sammy, every time you observe something wonderful, “Is this the finale’?” “Is this the finale’?” “Is this the finale’?” and my answer will be Eternally ‘No!’ because in My world, in the world of the Gods there is no end to the best part of living. So lie back and relax and enjoy what’s right before your very eyes. Stare deeply into the blazing sky and then allow your finite mind to trust the One who is over the infinite good that lies just ahead."
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, July 12, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Toothache – Pain of the Problem and the Pain of the Solution
Over the past several months I have been plagued with a constant toothache. I finally took myself kicking and screaming to the dentist. He discovered I had a crack in my back upper right molar. The dentist glued the tooth together by filling in the crack with some kind of cement. He said we’d have to give the tooth some time before putting on a crown to see if the root of the tooth had been damaged. The pain went away for a little while. I was very grateful. No one likes the prognosis “root canal.” This was a procedure I surely hoped to avoid! Maybe the problem could just be patched over and covered up with a crown.
I was instructed to use extreme care and completely avoid using that quadrant of my mouth, so I chewed all my food on the left side, even being careful with soft foods and liquids. Within a few weeks the pain returned. With fear and trepidation I went back to the dentist. He placed a temporary crown on the tooth, took impressions for a permanent crown and sent me home with an antibiotic and instructions to follow in case I began to experience extreme pain. “What’s this all about?” I thought.
Apparently the dentist knew more about the future than I did. Within a very few hours I was in excruciating pain. Apparently all the fuss over my tooth had awakened a sleeping giant. The only pain I can even compare it to is labor and childbirth. Still I resisted. I was in the middle of a very busy week. So much to do, and I still hung to the hope that somehow miraculously the pain might simply go away without any more expense and inconvenience. After 48 hours of agony I called the specialist. Suddenly no amount of money was too great and no procedure too uncomfortable if only this pain could be taken away.
By the time I actually found myself in the chair of the endodontist, mouth open, staring humbly into the bright overhead light, much of the pain had subsided. I braced myself as he moved toward my pitiful tooth with his icy probe checking each tooth for sensitivity.
“That’s the one,” he said. “You definitely need a root canal.”
With tears leaking out of my eyes and toward my ears I expressed my terror at the thought of further suffering.
“Actually,” he said, “The greatest part of the pain occurred before you came to me for help.” He explained that infection had settled in and destroyed the nerve of my tooth. The pain I had experienced was actually the pain of the nerve dying. According to the doctor, the root canal, the stabilizing of the tooth and getting rid of any infection was going to be far less painful than what I had already gone through. I chose to believe him. I was out of alternatives, and he was right. The procedure I had fearfully procrastinated for months was not what I had imagined and the outcome was RELIEF!
In 12 Step recovery there’s a saying that goes: “People come for help when the pain of the problem is worse than the pain of the solution.” Many of us (and I include myself in this diagnosis) are initially overcome with fear as we read the 12 Steps of Recovery. I remember thinking, “Well, I’ll take the first three steps and the last three, but I’m not taking any of those steps in the middle.” I’m sure my response is not unique. We imagine that taking the steps will be very painful. But, when the pain of living in the insanity of our problem becomes worse than the imagined pain of seeking a mighty, divinely implemented change in our lives, we find the humility to seek help and surrender to a process that is tried and true. We become as willing “as the dying can be,” it says in AA literature (AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 24).
That day in the dentist chair the endodontist spoke words that calmed my heart. “Actually, the greatest part of the pain occurred before you came to me for help.” Those words caused me to relax and surrender to the work that had to be done that day. Today I want to share those same words with any of you who are avoiding recovery because you’re terrified of the pain of taking each of the steps. The application of the 12 Steps, though daunting at first, is actually much less painful than we fear or than the pain we have experienced in the throes of our problem. The greatest pain is experienced before we give up and surrender to our need for help.
Through these steps, like young Alma, we can experience relief we never imagined possible. In the Book of Mormon, Alma the Younger describes what happened to him when he was finally humble enough to cry out to the Lord. “Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!” (Alma 36:18-20).
Root canal or recovery–when we surrender to the process, it brings an end to an exhausting pain-filled journey. I don’t know the etymology of the word “endodontist,” but I notice that the first syllable is the little word “end.” Part of the job description of that specialist is to bring an end to dental misery. It’s curious that the Lord calls himself “The Beginning and The End.” Do not be afraid of these 12 simple gospel principles. There is One who has paid the price to specialize in any and all hurts you have experienced in this life. Through Him we can each experience “The End” of pain brought on by the infection of our sins, the sins of others, or the trials and afflictions of earth life and “The Beginning” of a joyful new way of living.
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
I was instructed to use extreme care and completely avoid using that quadrant of my mouth, so I chewed all my food on the left side, even being careful with soft foods and liquids. Within a few weeks the pain returned. With fear and trepidation I went back to the dentist. He placed a temporary crown on the tooth, took impressions for a permanent crown and sent me home with an antibiotic and instructions to follow in case I began to experience extreme pain. “What’s this all about?” I thought.
Apparently the dentist knew more about the future than I did. Within a very few hours I was in excruciating pain. Apparently all the fuss over my tooth had awakened a sleeping giant. The only pain I can even compare it to is labor and childbirth. Still I resisted. I was in the middle of a very busy week. So much to do, and I still hung to the hope that somehow miraculously the pain might simply go away without any more expense and inconvenience. After 48 hours of agony I called the specialist. Suddenly no amount of money was too great and no procedure too uncomfortable if only this pain could be taken away.
By the time I actually found myself in the chair of the endodontist, mouth open, staring humbly into the bright overhead light, much of the pain had subsided. I braced myself as he moved toward my pitiful tooth with his icy probe checking each tooth for sensitivity.
“That’s the one,” he said. “You definitely need a root canal.”
With tears leaking out of my eyes and toward my ears I expressed my terror at the thought of further suffering.
“Actually,” he said, “The greatest part of the pain occurred before you came to me for help.” He explained that infection had settled in and destroyed the nerve of my tooth. The pain I had experienced was actually the pain of the nerve dying. According to the doctor, the root canal, the stabilizing of the tooth and getting rid of any infection was going to be far less painful than what I had already gone through. I chose to believe him. I was out of alternatives, and he was right. The procedure I had fearfully procrastinated for months was not what I had imagined and the outcome was RELIEF!
In 12 Step recovery there’s a saying that goes: “People come for help when the pain of the problem is worse than the pain of the solution.” Many of us (and I include myself in this diagnosis) are initially overcome with fear as we read the 12 Steps of Recovery. I remember thinking, “Well, I’ll take the first three steps and the last three, but I’m not taking any of those steps in the middle.” I’m sure my response is not unique. We imagine that taking the steps will be very painful. But, when the pain of living in the insanity of our problem becomes worse than the imagined pain of seeking a mighty, divinely implemented change in our lives, we find the humility to seek help and surrender to a process that is tried and true. We become as willing “as the dying can be,” it says in AA literature (AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 24).
That day in the dentist chair the endodontist spoke words that calmed my heart. “Actually, the greatest part of the pain occurred before you came to me for help.” Those words caused me to relax and surrender to the work that had to be done that day. Today I want to share those same words with any of you who are avoiding recovery because you’re terrified of the pain of taking each of the steps. The application of the 12 Steps, though daunting at first, is actually much less painful than we fear or than the pain we have experienced in the throes of our problem. The greatest pain is experienced before we give up and surrender to our need for help.
Through these steps, like young Alma, we can experience relief we never imagined possible. In the Book of Mormon, Alma the Younger describes what happened to him when he was finally humble enough to cry out to the Lord. “Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!” (Alma 36:18-20).
Root canal or recovery–when we surrender to the process, it brings an end to an exhausting pain-filled journey. I don’t know the etymology of the word “endodontist,” but I notice that the first syllable is the little word “end.” Part of the job description of that specialist is to bring an end to dental misery. It’s curious that the Lord calls himself “The Beginning and The End.” Do not be afraid of these 12 simple gospel principles. There is One who has paid the price to specialize in any and all hurts you have experienced in this life. Through Him we can each experience “The End” of pain brought on by the infection of our sins, the sins of others, or the trials and afflictions of earth life and “The Beginning” of a joyful new way of living.
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Good Librarian - Step 12 Service
My husband served as a university librarian for forty years. Since the library contains a record of all the world’s knowledge and since the world’s librarians spend most of their waking hours surrounded by all the world’s knowledge we expect a lot of them.
Over the years my children have come to their father for help with questions of many varieties. After all, a good librarian should know everything. I’ve heard him respond many times, “A librarian doesn’t need to know everything. They just need to know how to find everything.” My husband did not spend forty years learning everything that could be learned in the library. He spent forty years helping individual students find the best resources available and showing them how they might best be used. He’s a research specialist.
When we married, my five children were ages five through seventeen and one of the best things about their new dad was realized just before any report was due at school. I remember him coming home from the university one day early in our marriage and sitting down with my youngest daughter who had been assigned to write a report for her science class on an animal. She had chosen to study and report on bears. She explained to him that one of her sources could be the “encyclopedia.” He patiently sat next to her and helped her understand that she could not simply copy word for word out of the reference. He taught her to read and then close the book, pick up her pencil, and put the concepts in her own words.
Since that day there have been countless reports due. Most often the kids came to him in crisis mode. “Oh Marv, I have to do a report. It’s going to be OK though because the report’s not due yet. I just need to turn in all my resources by tomorrow. Can you help me!!!!”
Marv was a great one for not offering to do the work for the kids, but if they would find a few hours to spend with him in the library he was more than willing to help out. I remember the time he helped my son find just what he needed for a report on a World War II fighter squadron. Several days later my son went to use the resources they had gathered and discovered he had accidentally left all the books sitting on a desk at the library after a hard day of study. The fear of losing library books is ingrained in each of us at an early age. But they weren’t lost. My son’s librarian dad soon discovered that they were still checked out to them and had simply been re-shelved. Together they looked up the call numbers in the book stacks and re-found each book.
The Lord reminded me of my children and their library experiences with their dad just the other day in an effort to teach me an important truth.
I had just gotten off of the phone from sponsoring someone struggling with addiction. I was filled with regret because I didn’t know the exact advice to give this person in regard to a particular issue.
The question crossed my mind, “So who do you think you are, offering to give support to other struggling mortals?”
I answered back, “So who do I think I am?”
So many times my discussions with those I sponsor or support involve questions about how to solve a current problem, what choice to make in a given life situation, or the truth about a some aspect of life. I receive queries every day that I am ill equipped and unqualified to address, not to mention my complete lack of authority, being wholly unauthorized by God or man to give others their marching orders. And then there’s the matter of my own imperfect behavior, sometimes in the exact thing that’s troubling the person needing assistance!
Then my husband’s words came into my mind. “Nannette, a good librarian doesn’t know everything. A good librarian knows how to find everything. He’s a research specialist.”
That’s it!!! I see!!! He’s an expert on how best to seek, and like a good librarian, a good sponsor doesn’t have to know everything either. They’re not experts on the details of how other struggling mortals should solve every problem. They are not all knowledgeable about all things, but they have come to know the One who is. They know how and where to seek. They’ve discovered that God is the greatest of all resources when it comes to solving problems, overcoming sin, and enduring trials.
One of my husband’s greatest frustrations as a university librarian is the student who sees the “Google” search as the answer to all his or her research needs. We live in a world where instant answers that require a simple search are the order of the day. He says that the easy search never results in the finest, most current scholarly findings. With no filter the simple search brings confusion because the results come by the hundreds and thousands and have to be sorted out by the hours in order to find the materials of greatest value. On the other hand Marv can work with a student for an hour and at the end of their time together they don’t have three thousand possibilities to check out for value. No, they have the twenty very best sources available.
We are surrounded by individuals who are wasting their time and their lives searching out answers to their problems, “Google style.” We have been there ourselves. Finally we ran out of money and room for one more self-help book on our library shelf. Finally someone introduced us the very best Resource available, the Authority on how to navigate life’s struggles and solve life’s most difficult problems. We turned to Him and found Him ready and willing to assist us with any search. Now our great desire is to help others.
I came across these words in the book Alcoholics Anonymous or the Big Book. These words represent the humility and understanding necessary in giving effective support. “We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.” With this simple understanding you and I can assist anyone with his or her search for answers.
We don’t ever have to shy away from giving support because we’re not omniscient! In fact it’s critical to realize that “we know only a little.” What a relief! As demonstrated by the “good librarian,” our work is to lead those who are seeking to the One Resource that will never fail them and then to live in faith that, “God will constantly disclose more to [them] and to us.”
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, May 24, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Over the years my children have come to their father for help with questions of many varieties. After all, a good librarian should know everything. I’ve heard him respond many times, “A librarian doesn’t need to know everything. They just need to know how to find everything.” My husband did not spend forty years learning everything that could be learned in the library. He spent forty years helping individual students find the best resources available and showing them how they might best be used. He’s a research specialist.
When we married, my five children were ages five through seventeen and one of the best things about their new dad was realized just before any report was due at school. I remember him coming home from the university one day early in our marriage and sitting down with my youngest daughter who had been assigned to write a report for her science class on an animal. She had chosen to study and report on bears. She explained to him that one of her sources could be the “encyclopedia.” He patiently sat next to her and helped her understand that she could not simply copy word for word out of the reference. He taught her to read and then close the book, pick up her pencil, and put the concepts in her own words.
Since that day there have been countless reports due. Most often the kids came to him in crisis mode. “Oh Marv, I have to do a report. It’s going to be OK though because the report’s not due yet. I just need to turn in all my resources by tomorrow. Can you help me!!!!”
Marv was a great one for not offering to do the work for the kids, but if they would find a few hours to spend with him in the library he was more than willing to help out. I remember the time he helped my son find just what he needed for a report on a World War II fighter squadron. Several days later my son went to use the resources they had gathered and discovered he had accidentally left all the books sitting on a desk at the library after a hard day of study. The fear of losing library books is ingrained in each of us at an early age. But they weren’t lost. My son’s librarian dad soon discovered that they were still checked out to them and had simply been re-shelved. Together they looked up the call numbers in the book stacks and re-found each book.
The Lord reminded me of my children and their library experiences with their dad just the other day in an effort to teach me an important truth.
I had just gotten off of the phone from sponsoring someone struggling with addiction. I was filled with regret because I didn’t know the exact advice to give this person in regard to a particular issue.
The question crossed my mind, “So who do you think you are, offering to give support to other struggling mortals?”
I answered back, “So who do I think I am?”
So many times my discussions with those I sponsor or support involve questions about how to solve a current problem, what choice to make in a given life situation, or the truth about a some aspect of life. I receive queries every day that I am ill equipped and unqualified to address, not to mention my complete lack of authority, being wholly unauthorized by God or man to give others their marching orders. And then there’s the matter of my own imperfect behavior, sometimes in the exact thing that’s troubling the person needing assistance!
Then my husband’s words came into my mind. “Nannette, a good librarian doesn’t know everything. A good librarian knows how to find everything. He’s a research specialist.”
That’s it!!! I see!!! He’s an expert on how best to seek, and like a good librarian, a good sponsor doesn’t have to know everything either. They’re not experts on the details of how other struggling mortals should solve every problem. They are not all knowledgeable about all things, but they have come to know the One who is. They know how and where to seek. They’ve discovered that God is the greatest of all resources when it comes to solving problems, overcoming sin, and enduring trials.
One of my husband’s greatest frustrations as a university librarian is the student who sees the “Google” search as the answer to all his or her research needs. We live in a world where instant answers that require a simple search are the order of the day. He says that the easy search never results in the finest, most current scholarly findings. With no filter the simple search brings confusion because the results come by the hundreds and thousands and have to be sorted out by the hours in order to find the materials of greatest value. On the other hand Marv can work with a student for an hour and at the end of their time together they don’t have three thousand possibilities to check out for value. No, they have the twenty very best sources available.
We are surrounded by individuals who are wasting their time and their lives searching out answers to their problems, “Google style.” We have been there ourselves. Finally we ran out of money and room for one more self-help book on our library shelf. Finally someone introduced us the very best Resource available, the Authority on how to navigate life’s struggles and solve life’s most difficult problems. We turned to Him and found Him ready and willing to assist us with any search. Now our great desire is to help others.
I came across these words in the book Alcoholics Anonymous or the Big Book. These words represent the humility and understanding necessary in giving effective support. “We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.” With this simple understanding you and I can assist anyone with his or her search for answers.
We don’t ever have to shy away from giving support because we’re not omniscient! In fact it’s critical to realize that “we know only a little.” What a relief! As demonstrated by the “good librarian,” our work is to lead those who are seeking to the One Resource that will never fail them and then to live in faith that, “God will constantly disclose more to [them] and to us.”
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, May 24, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
“Help” – Step 11 and Prayer
At my coxing Esther wiggled out of her mother’s arms and crawled over her daddy’s legs onto my lap. She soon recognized that her Grandma was ill prepared with the standard equipment traditionally used for entertaining toddlers during Sacrament Meeting, ie. Cheerios, Sippy Cup, board books etc.
I quickly inventoried the contents of my empty-nester church bag for anything that might possibly capture her attention. I put a squeeze of lotion onto her baby girl palm and rubbed her hands together. Next I used a few pages in my steno pad/journal and to the best of my pitiful ability drew simple familiar objects for her which she practiced recognizing: tree, flower, house, cat, ice cream, and truck. That was the extent of what my purse had to offer and the benediction was not in sight.
With resources running out and wanting to enjoy her company as long as possible I remembered I was wearing my missionary badge. This badge is attached to my Sunday clothes and held in place with set of magnet. I removed it from my blazer and succeeded in fascinating her with the magic of the two magnets. I placed the badge along with the second magnet in her little hand. For a few minutes she was quite captivated. She pulled the magnets apart and then observed the mystery of having them snap back together. Then the fun came to an end. The magnets snapped together in such a way that it was impossible for her to use her little fingers to pull them apart.
I was sure she would soon break into a toddler tantrum. Time for Grandma to help! She was sitting face forward in my lap, and before I made my move to rescue her from frustration she turned her little head so her blue eyes met mine. “Help” she simply said in the most peaceful trusting voice I have ever heard.
I have many times been taken aback by the over the top response of a child to a simple frustration. The sound of the wining that escalates into an outright inconsolable uncontrollable tantrum (theirs and mine) seems to linger and sometimes cloud the atmosphere of the home long after the problem is resolved. When my grown kids and I sit around on a Sunday night and reminisce, these loud, intense, crazy moments in our past are easily remembered.
Curiously I don’t know if I will ever forget Esther’s pure, trusting, simple request for help that day in church. It made a striking impression on my mind and on my heart. I leaned back on the bench and thought about how difficult it is to help a child who is beyond help. They become so worked up over their need and so very sure they aren’t going to receive help fast enough or maybe not at all, that they couldn’t recognize it if the National Guard showed up to solve their problem.
I’ve been that child at times in relation to my earthly parents and to my Heavenly Father, so over wrought, and so overcharged that I am emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually incapable of receiving assistance.
Esther’s humble and faith-filled rendering of the word “help” still hangs in the air over my conscience. Her calm voice was evidence that she had absolutely no doubt about my willingness and ability to help her.
Now, I recognize that earth life is full of some very serious challenges. I do not fault myself or any one else for feeling the pain and the desperate need and the insecurity that comes naturally with the grave trials and struggles we are called to experience as we walk “through the valley of the shadow of death” so to speak. Crying out to the Lord for help certainly has its place.
On the other hand, I find myself facing countless frustrations, problems, and struggles every day that vary in degree of seriousness. Today I want to keep in mind that the Lord is willing and capable of helping me with anything, and I mean ANYTHING large or small. I want to remember Esther’s blue eyes looking with complete trust into mine. I want to remember how she simply and quietly spoke the word “Help” knowing I was not across the universe or even across the room. I was right there by her. I was holding her. And so it is with God. He hears me and He responds.
Sometimes a simple, trusting “Help” is many times more effective than the cry for “Help” followed by hundreds of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............................
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, May 8, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
I quickly inventoried the contents of my empty-nester church bag for anything that might possibly capture her attention. I put a squeeze of lotion onto her baby girl palm and rubbed her hands together. Next I used a few pages in my steno pad/journal and to the best of my pitiful ability drew simple familiar objects for her which she practiced recognizing: tree, flower, house, cat, ice cream, and truck. That was the extent of what my purse had to offer and the benediction was not in sight.
With resources running out and wanting to enjoy her company as long as possible I remembered I was wearing my missionary badge. This badge is attached to my Sunday clothes and held in place with set of magnet. I removed it from my blazer and succeeded in fascinating her with the magic of the two magnets. I placed the badge along with the second magnet in her little hand. For a few minutes she was quite captivated. She pulled the magnets apart and then observed the mystery of having them snap back together. Then the fun came to an end. The magnets snapped together in such a way that it was impossible for her to use her little fingers to pull them apart.
I was sure she would soon break into a toddler tantrum. Time for Grandma to help! She was sitting face forward in my lap, and before I made my move to rescue her from frustration she turned her little head so her blue eyes met mine. “Help” she simply said in the most peaceful trusting voice I have ever heard.
I have many times been taken aback by the over the top response of a child to a simple frustration. The sound of the wining that escalates into an outright inconsolable uncontrollable tantrum (theirs and mine) seems to linger and sometimes cloud the atmosphere of the home long after the problem is resolved. When my grown kids and I sit around on a Sunday night and reminisce, these loud, intense, crazy moments in our past are easily remembered.
Curiously I don’t know if I will ever forget Esther’s pure, trusting, simple request for help that day in church. It made a striking impression on my mind and on my heart. I leaned back on the bench and thought about how difficult it is to help a child who is beyond help. They become so worked up over their need and so very sure they aren’t going to receive help fast enough or maybe not at all, that they couldn’t recognize it if the National Guard showed up to solve their problem.
I’ve been that child at times in relation to my earthly parents and to my Heavenly Father, so over wrought, and so overcharged that I am emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually incapable of receiving assistance.
Esther’s humble and faith-filled rendering of the word “help” still hangs in the air over my conscience. Her calm voice was evidence that she had absolutely no doubt about my willingness and ability to help her.
Now, I recognize that earth life is full of some very serious challenges. I do not fault myself or any one else for feeling the pain and the desperate need and the insecurity that comes naturally with the grave trials and struggles we are called to experience as we walk “through the valley of the shadow of death” so to speak. Crying out to the Lord for help certainly has its place.
On the other hand, I find myself facing countless frustrations, problems, and struggles every day that vary in degree of seriousness. Today I want to keep in mind that the Lord is willing and capable of helping me with anything, and I mean ANYTHING large or small. I want to remember Esther’s blue eyes looking with complete trust into mine. I want to remember how she simply and quietly spoke the word “Help” knowing I was not across the universe or even across the room. I was right there by her. I was holding her. And so it is with God. He hears me and He responds.
Sometimes a simple, trusting “Help” is many times more effective than the cry for “Help” followed by hundreds of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............................
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, May 8, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
“Now and Later” - Service
My mother taught second grade while I was raising my children. Every year she would make very clever homemade Valentines for the children in her class and extras for her grandchildren. A home school Valentine’s Day is never quite as grand as the public school production and my kids were always surprised and grateful for Grandma’s Valentines.
This year the holiday marked by hearts and flowers and candy fell on a Sunday. Saturday night something out of the ordinary struck me and I found myself at Seven-Eleven trying to follow in my mother’s footsteps by putting together a creative idea of my own for my grandkids. I finally settled on the “Now and Later” candies.
Sunday afternoon while dinner was cooking I created a cardstock Valentine for each of the “Grands” that read, “We Love You ‘Now’ and We’ll Love You ‘Later’ and Later and Later…FOREVER!!! Happy Valentines Day Love, Grandma Nan and Grandpa Marv.” Then I put five “Now and Later” candies in ten small baggies and stapled one to the back of each card. I placed the Valentines in my red purse and after the family dinner I passed out the little love notes.
At the close of the day there were several cards left in the bag. I saved them and sent them to the four grandchildren living out of town via an aunt and uncle currier. Better late that never!
My daughter, the mother of three, called to tell me how her little guy T.J. (age four) responded to his Valentine. He had been playing in the yard with four friends. The minute he received the card and candy he ran back outside, opened the little baggie stapled to the back of the card and distributed all the “No and Laters” to his friends. Feeling very good about what he had done he ran back into the house and said, “Mom, I shared my candy with all my friends. That’s the way we get back to Heavenly Father.” Of course his mother gave him an affirming smile.
As she told me the story I thought, “Imagine feeling the joy of service and self-sacrifice at such a young age and with such an Eternal goal in mind! That’s my boy!”
Then she described a scene that occurred later that afternoon. With all his candy philanthropically dispersed T. J. walked in from the yard just in time to observe his siblings hanging out and eating their entire sweet treat with nary a thought of sharing. She described the look on his little face as quite downcast with a less than Eternal perspective in his eyes.
T. J. is good at playing make-believe when it comes to cowboys and cars, but when it comes to his feelings there is no pretending.
Don’t worry T. The “Now and Later Principle” takes a lifetime and maybe beyond to master. Believe me, all the grownups in your world are still working on it. We do something good “now” because we know it will be a blessing “later,” much “later” as in Eternally “later.” What we struggle with is the way we feel just a little “later,” when the pain of the sacrifice kicks in.
Doing what’s right, right “now”, something hard, and something with a price, something that hurts, in hopes of better things “much later” takes years of practice. It requires that we maintain a telescopic view of things. T. J. gave his candy to his friends because, “That’s the way we get back to Heavenly Father.” That’s quite the perspective for a four-year-old little guy. It’s the Heavenly view. It’s a far off view that’s hard to keep hold of. It’s a view I continually work on, because I know it’s one of the keys to continual happiness.
Our lives are full of opportunities to give “now.” Today as I give of myself I want to keep my focus on the “much later” so I can be happy “just a little later,” when all my candy has been generously dispersed and my baggie is empty. “Now and Later,” a big principle in a chewy little package!
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, March 20, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
This year the holiday marked by hearts and flowers and candy fell on a Sunday. Saturday night something out of the ordinary struck me and I found myself at Seven-Eleven trying to follow in my mother’s footsteps by putting together a creative idea of my own for my grandkids. I finally settled on the “Now and Later” candies.
Sunday afternoon while dinner was cooking I created a cardstock Valentine for each of the “Grands” that read, “We Love You ‘Now’ and We’ll Love You ‘Later’ and Later and Later…FOREVER!!! Happy Valentines Day Love, Grandma Nan and Grandpa Marv.” Then I put five “Now and Later” candies in ten small baggies and stapled one to the back of each card. I placed the Valentines in my red purse and after the family dinner I passed out the little love notes.
At the close of the day there were several cards left in the bag. I saved them and sent them to the four grandchildren living out of town via an aunt and uncle currier. Better late that never!
My daughter, the mother of three, called to tell me how her little guy T.J. (age four) responded to his Valentine. He had been playing in the yard with four friends. The minute he received the card and candy he ran back outside, opened the little baggie stapled to the back of the card and distributed all the “No and Laters” to his friends. Feeling very good about what he had done he ran back into the house and said, “Mom, I shared my candy with all my friends. That’s the way we get back to Heavenly Father.” Of course his mother gave him an affirming smile.
As she told me the story I thought, “Imagine feeling the joy of service and self-sacrifice at such a young age and with such an Eternal goal in mind! That’s my boy!”
Then she described a scene that occurred later that afternoon. With all his candy philanthropically dispersed T. J. walked in from the yard just in time to observe his siblings hanging out and eating their entire sweet treat with nary a thought of sharing. She described the look on his little face as quite downcast with a less than Eternal perspective in his eyes.
T. J. is good at playing make-believe when it comes to cowboys and cars, but when it comes to his feelings there is no pretending.
Don’t worry T. The “Now and Later Principle” takes a lifetime and maybe beyond to master. Believe me, all the grownups in your world are still working on it. We do something good “now” because we know it will be a blessing “later,” much “later” as in Eternally “later.” What we struggle with is the way we feel just a little “later,” when the pain of the sacrifice kicks in.
Doing what’s right, right “now”, something hard, and something with a price, something that hurts, in hopes of better things “much later” takes years of practice. It requires that we maintain a telescopic view of things. T. J. gave his candy to his friends because, “That’s the way we get back to Heavenly Father.” That’s quite the perspective for a four-year-old little guy. It’s the Heavenly view. It’s a far off view that’s hard to keep hold of. It’s a view I continually work on, because I know it’s one of the keys to continual happiness.
Our lives are full of opportunities to give “now.” Today as I give of myself I want to keep my focus on the “much later” so I can be happy “just a little later,” when all my candy has been generously dispersed and my baggie is empty. “Now and Later,” a big principle in a chewy little package!
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, March 20, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Phone Mail Treasure, More Than Please and Thank You - Prayer
My mother recorded a prayer I said independent of her prompting when I was two and a half. These were my words, “We thank Thee for this nice family night and for the gospel and for the Holy Spirit with us and for the good in our hearts, the smiles in our hearts, and that I’ll get better, and for my friends. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”
One of the earliest things we are introduced to is prayer. We first learn by listening to the prayers offered over the food, family prayer, and the prayers offered each week at church. We also learn about prayer by practicing as our mothers, fathers and teachers whisper prayerful words in our ear, which we repeat as best we can.
It’s important to grow in our ability to communicate with God. By the time I was a teenager I think I had actually digressed. Prayer became something I did because I was supposed to and not because I was really trying to communicate openly and honestly with my Father. My prayers became same-ish, the kind of prayer referred to as a “parrot prayer” in old Family Home Evening Lessons. I was bored and I was sure Heavenly Father was bored. In addition I had not been successful at being “perfect” so I was sure I was not only dull but I was also a disappointment to Him.
My little sister and I shared a double bed until I went to college. I remember some nights lying there in the darkness saying to her with great older sister authority, “Did you say your prayers?” “Oh no,” she would innocently admit. “I forgot.” Then she would kneel up in bed and pray while I stared face up toward the ceiling barrier between God and me, having no intention of “saying my prays”.
In order to survive adulthood of necessity I’ve had to take a good strong look at my prayer life. In the early days of recovery from compulsive addictive behavior I remember having a prayer with a sponsor or support person, a convert to the Church. At the close of my prayer she said, “Oh, you pray like all the rest, like you’re not really talking to someone.” She proceeded to teach me that in order to really connect with the Lord she had to be free to go outside the “thank you” and “please bless” box and express herself openly, honestly, and with great candor to the Lord. Today as I pray I practice believing that He loves me, that it gives Him great joy to hear from me, that He knows me, that He wants to help me, and that He has power to assist me with anything that’s disturbing me, big or small. I try to pray without perfectionism knowing that He is perfect and I am not. And it’s embarrassing to admit, but even today it’s easy for me to slip back into my same old thoughtless prayer patterns.
I’m still learning to pray, and once again the Lord has used the voice of children to instruct me. Over the past few months I’ve received many calls from my grandchildren. Sometimes I’m not at home to receive the calls so they have learned to leave me a phone message. I love these little communications so much that it’s hard for me to erase them. Recently I’ve been saving them so I can listen more than once to their little bits of communication. There are actually getting to be so many of them I’m in danger of running out of space on my answering machine and it won’t be many more day before I have to go through and push the delete button.
One day while I was listening to a new message from one of ‘the grands” I felt instructed by the Lord. “Nannette” the thought came, “Communication with me can and should be more than ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Just as you value all of the varying phone messages your grandchildren choose to leave for you I treasure the great variety of things you might want to communicate to me.”
I immediately pushed the play button on the answering machine and began to listen. This is what I heard and what I learned:
Sammy Age 5 - “Hello Grandma and Grandpa. This is me, Sammy. Were on the mountain right now, walking down it. Were looking at the sunset. It’s so beautiful! And Grandma Bye Bye.” – The Lord wants us to express the joy we find in the view as we hike up and down the mountains of life.
Gracie age 2 - “Grandma, got “poopies.” Then repeating after her mom, she says, “I went poopies on the potty. Yea Gracie! Bye Bye.”– The Lord wants us to fill Him in on our progress no matter how indelicate the subject matter.
TJ Age 4 and Madeline Age 6 - “Hi Grandma. Happy Birthday yesterday,” TJ says enthusiastically. “Ya… Happy Birthday yesterday,” Madeline concurs. “We’re going to sing you a song” The whole family then chimes in together. “Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you etc….” Then came TJ coda: “We love you love you love you. We love you love you thank you.” – The Lord always appreciates it when we celebrate Him.
Carson Age 5 - “Hi! This is Carson. I just wanted to say that I lost my first tooth, so give me a call. Bye.” The Lord wants to hear about all the firsts, all of the milestones in our lives.
Eliza Age 11 – “ Hi Grandma, I’m calling to invite you to a special Activity Day at the church where we’re all inviting our Grandmas. We’re going to have dinner and play a game. Can you come?” – The Lord loves to be invited along wherever we go.
Matthew, Jack and Esther Age 1 – These little one’s leave messages with the aid of their mothers that sound like this one:
“Say, ‘Hello, Hello.’”
“Say, ‘Hi, I love you Grandma.”
“Say, ‘Grandma.’”
“Say, ‘Hello.’”
“Say, ‘I love you.’”
“Say, ‘Miss you.’”
“Say, ‘Bye.’”
“Say, ‘Happy, sleepy, doggy, bird, tree.’”
“Say, ‘Bye Love you.’”
Following each prompt from the mom came the sweet voice of a baby learning to put sounds and meaning together for communication. I love to hear the sound of their voices. I think the Lord loves the sound of our individual voices. I believe He loves to hear from us even when all we can manage to voice is His name.
Carson Age 5 – For Carson’s Birthday I bought him two new big puzzles with themes I thought he would enjoy (Cars and Curious George). I’m not sure what he was expecting, but to his mother’s dismay his response to the gift was less that enthusiastic. Later I received this message on my machine. “Sorry Grandma that I was being such a twit and I did that puzzle and it’s really big but not bigger than me. Thank you. Bye. Give me a call.” – The Lord needs to hear that we recognize it when we’ve been less than appreciative.
Ethan Age 8 – After Church and before the Sunday family dinner I pushed the play button and heard, “Grandma, this is Ethan. We’re going to tithing settlement and choir practice at 4:00 and then my mom will come home and turn the beans on to heat so I don’t know what time we’ll be there. We might be there at 5:30 and not 5:00…just so if there’s a problem call my dad’s cell phone.” – The Lord loves to hear what we have planned.
Carson Age 5 – “Hi Grandma. This is Carson. I just wanted to read you a story and its really funny…so bye…give me a call.” – The Lord has a sense of humor. He likes to have us share things in life that bring a smile and a chuckle, the things that bring us joy.
My mother tells another story about my early prayer life. I was not quite three years old. She was kneeling next to me listening as I prayed before jumping into bed. We had just moved into a very small house my parents affectionately referred to as “the Chalet.” Apparently we were not quite settled in. Perhaps I had heard my parents discussing the “how to’s” of moving their family of four, with a third baby on the way, into such small quarters. In the middle of the prayer mother says I started sharing with Heavenly Father in great detail exactly how we were going to arrange various pieces of furniture and household items in the tiny space so that everything would fit.
As I went on and on my mother, who had her eyes closed, says that the way I was speaking to Heavenly Father was so real, so authentic, that she knew if she opened up her eyes she would see Him standing in the room, taking in with great interest all that I was sharing. She remembers that at the conclusion of the prayer I said with great expectation, “Good idea Heavenly Father?” There was apparently no doubt in my mind that He was there and that He was interested in the details of my little girl life.
Tonight when I kneel to pray I want to be as real with my Heavenly Father as I was back then. I think I’ll imagine that my communications to Him are so precious that they are filling up all the endless space in His phone mail and He just can stand the idea of pushing the delete button and never will.
By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, March 7, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
One of the earliest things we are introduced to is prayer. We first learn by listening to the prayers offered over the food, family prayer, and the prayers offered each week at church. We also learn about prayer by practicing as our mothers, fathers and teachers whisper prayerful words in our ear, which we repeat as best we can.
It’s important to grow in our ability to communicate with God. By the time I was a teenager I think I had actually digressed. Prayer became something I did because I was supposed to and not because I was really trying to communicate openly and honestly with my Father. My prayers became same-ish, the kind of prayer referred to as a “parrot prayer” in old Family Home Evening Lessons. I was bored and I was sure Heavenly Father was bored. In addition I had not been successful at being “perfect” so I was sure I was not only dull but I was also a disappointment to Him.
My little sister and I shared a double bed until I went to college. I remember some nights lying there in the darkness saying to her with great older sister authority, “Did you say your prayers?” “Oh no,” she would innocently admit. “I forgot.” Then she would kneel up in bed and pray while I stared face up toward the ceiling barrier between God and me, having no intention of “saying my prays”.
In order to survive adulthood of necessity I’ve had to take a good strong look at my prayer life. In the early days of recovery from compulsive addictive behavior I remember having a prayer with a sponsor or support person, a convert to the Church. At the close of my prayer she said, “Oh, you pray like all the rest, like you’re not really talking to someone.” She proceeded to teach me that in order to really connect with the Lord she had to be free to go outside the “thank you” and “please bless” box and express herself openly, honestly, and with great candor to the Lord. Today as I pray I practice believing that He loves me, that it gives Him great joy to hear from me, that He knows me, that He wants to help me, and that He has power to assist me with anything that’s disturbing me, big or small. I try to pray without perfectionism knowing that He is perfect and I am not. And it’s embarrassing to admit, but even today it’s easy for me to slip back into my same old thoughtless prayer patterns.
I’m still learning to pray, and once again the Lord has used the voice of children to instruct me. Over the past few months I’ve received many calls from my grandchildren. Sometimes I’m not at home to receive the calls so they have learned to leave me a phone message. I love these little communications so much that it’s hard for me to erase them. Recently I’ve been saving them so I can listen more than once to their little bits of communication. There are actually getting to be so many of them I’m in danger of running out of space on my answering machine and it won’t be many more day before I have to go through and push the delete button.
One day while I was listening to a new message from one of ‘the grands” I felt instructed by the Lord. “Nannette” the thought came, “Communication with me can and should be more than ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Just as you value all of the varying phone messages your grandchildren choose to leave for you I treasure the great variety of things you might want to communicate to me.”
I immediately pushed the play button on the answering machine and began to listen. This is what I heard and what I learned:
Sammy Age 5 - “Hello Grandma and Grandpa. This is me, Sammy. Were on the mountain right now, walking down it. Were looking at the sunset. It’s so beautiful! And Grandma Bye Bye.” – The Lord wants us to express the joy we find in the view as we hike up and down the mountains of life.
Gracie age 2 - “Grandma, got “poopies.” Then repeating after her mom, she says, “I went poopies on the potty. Yea Gracie! Bye Bye.”– The Lord wants us to fill Him in on our progress no matter how indelicate the subject matter.
TJ Age 4 and Madeline Age 6 - “Hi Grandma. Happy Birthday yesterday,” TJ says enthusiastically. “Ya… Happy Birthday yesterday,” Madeline concurs. “We’re going to sing you a song” The whole family then chimes in together. “Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you etc….” Then came TJ coda: “We love you love you love you. We love you love you thank you.” – The Lord always appreciates it when we celebrate Him.
Carson Age 5 - “Hi! This is Carson. I just wanted to say that I lost my first tooth, so give me a call. Bye.” The Lord wants to hear about all the firsts, all of the milestones in our lives.
Eliza Age 11 – “ Hi Grandma, I’m calling to invite you to a special Activity Day at the church where we’re all inviting our Grandmas. We’re going to have dinner and play a game. Can you come?” – The Lord loves to be invited along wherever we go.
Matthew, Jack and Esther Age 1 – These little one’s leave messages with the aid of their mothers that sound like this one:
“Say, ‘Hello, Hello.’”
“Say, ‘Hi, I love you Grandma.”
“Say, ‘Grandma.’”
“Say, ‘Hello.’”
“Say, ‘I love you.’”
“Say, ‘Miss you.’”
“Say, ‘Bye.’”
“Say, ‘Happy, sleepy, doggy, bird, tree.’”
“Say, ‘Bye Love you.’”
Following each prompt from the mom came the sweet voice of a baby learning to put sounds and meaning together for communication. I love to hear the sound of their voices. I think the Lord loves the sound of our individual voices. I believe He loves to hear from us even when all we can manage to voice is His name.
Carson Age 5 – For Carson’s Birthday I bought him two new big puzzles with themes I thought he would enjoy (Cars and Curious George). I’m not sure what he was expecting, but to his mother’s dismay his response to the gift was less that enthusiastic. Later I received this message on my machine. “Sorry Grandma that I was being such a twit and I did that puzzle and it’s really big but not bigger than me. Thank you. Bye. Give me a call.” – The Lord needs to hear that we recognize it when we’ve been less than appreciative.
Ethan Age 8 – After Church and before the Sunday family dinner I pushed the play button and heard, “Grandma, this is Ethan. We’re going to tithing settlement and choir practice at 4:00 and then my mom will come home and turn the beans on to heat so I don’t know what time we’ll be there. We might be there at 5:30 and not 5:00…just so if there’s a problem call my dad’s cell phone.” – The Lord loves to hear what we have planned.
Carson Age 5 – “Hi Grandma. This is Carson. I just wanted to read you a story and its really funny…so bye…give me a call.” – The Lord has a sense of humor. He likes to have us share things in life that bring a smile and a chuckle, the things that bring us joy.
My mother tells another story about my early prayer life. I was not quite three years old. She was kneeling next to me listening as I prayed before jumping into bed. We had just moved into a very small house my parents affectionately referred to as “the Chalet.” Apparently we were not quite settled in. Perhaps I had heard my parents discussing the “how to’s” of moving their family of four, with a third baby on the way, into such small quarters. In the middle of the prayer mother says I started sharing with Heavenly Father in great detail exactly how we were going to arrange various pieces of furniture and household items in the tiny space so that everything would fit.
As I went on and on my mother, who had her eyes closed, says that the way I was speaking to Heavenly Father was so real, so authentic, that she knew if she opened up her eyes she would see Him standing in the room, taking in with great interest all that I was sharing. She remembers that at the conclusion of the prayer I said with great expectation, “Good idea Heavenly Father?” There was apparently no doubt in my mind that He was there and that He was interested in the details of my little girl life.
Tonight when I kneel to pray I want to be as real with my Heavenly Father as I was back then. I think I’ll imagine that my communications to Him are so precious that they are filling up all the endless space in His phone mail and He just can stand the idea of pushing the delete button and never will.
By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, March 7, 2010.
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The Fruit Snack Rules – Step 3 Trust in God
The other day my kids were joking around, thanking me with a little sarcastic good-humor for all the days they finished the school hours with, “that batch of chocolate chip cookies you always had baking in the oven.” They were kidding of course. My struggle with food addiction and all the bad press about sugar and children kept me from doing much baking.
Now I’m the Grandma of ten treat loving children and I do understand the fun of having something to share with them. However, the only homemade goodies at this grandma’s house are the ones their parents bring to Sunday dinner, or birthdays, or game nights. The sweets I personally keep in stock for “the Grands” are Fruit Snacks. They meet three important criteria. They don’t tempt me, they don’t make a mess, and the kids love them.
There are a few rules the children have come to understand about Grandma’s Fruit Snacks:
Lesson #1 The first rule is that the Fruit Snacks are a gift from Grandma and they are passed out spontaneously by Grandma or else given upon request by Grandma. Initially I kept the box full of the gummy treats in a place where little hands could reach, and reach they did. Now I keep them up high so the children cannot easily help themselves. I want them to know that they are a little present from me to them, not just something they can take, and take for granted, but something a little special. They all know exactly where they’re kept though, and every so often one of the little bandits drags a chair over to the cupboard, climbs up, and grabs a pack plus a few extras to pass out to the rest of the visiting siblings and cousins. That’s a no no!
Lesson #2 The second rule is that it’s not enough to simply remember the “ask first” rule. There’s the little matter of how you ask and when you ask. Fruit Snacks are not passed out to children who are grumpy, demanding, impatient, or who make an untimely request- before dinner, during dinner, or on the heels of some other family treat. Attitude and timing are definite considerations.
As you know by now I think it’s very instructive to watch and participate in earthly parenting and grand parenting and at the same time think about myself, a child of Heavenly Parents. I believe that with regard to Heavenly Father’s gifts the Fruit Snack rules also apply. Everything that’s good and good for me comes from God. Some things are given spontaneously without even asking and some are given by way of request. “Nannette” I can imagine Him saying, “There are many things in life I want to bless you with. I have placed them just out of reach. The solution is not to figuratively drag a chair to My shelf marked ‘for Nannette’ and then help yourself. Remember, ‘Ask and ye shall receive.’”
Next there’s the important matter of how to ask God. I am coming to understand that I can do the asking/seeking part and still miss the mark. Earthly parents work very hard to teach children the proper attitude for receiving assistance. When approached for help by a demanding, bossy, whiny child who wishes to be in charge of all the details, we have all been heard to say, “Now wait a minute. Maybe you need to think of a better way to ask. I think you’d better fix your attitude. Try that again.” Going to our Heavenly Father to have needs met is no different. I have to go to Him in humility, knowing that He knows best. I have to allow Him to set the terms. I have felt Him say to me at times, “Excuse me, could you think of a better way to ask?”
One of my daughters called me yesterday to tell me how things were going in her world with three children under six. “So mom, Jack is SO naughty! This morning while I was in folding laundry he went into the kitchen, pulled a chair over to the counter, and climbed up onto the counter. When I found him he was slathered in butter. The cube of butter was covered with little finger marks and the knobs of the kitchen sink faucet were all greasy. Apparently he’d tried to clean himself up by himself.” He's just 22-months-old and when she found him covered in butter all he could say is, “Ooooooh.”
My other daughter shares that 18-month-old Esters recently had her eyes on the cookies stored atop the kitchen cupboards in the little space between the top of the cabinets and the ceiling. To her mother’s horror Esther decided to see of she could get a bit closer to the treat using the oven door and cooking racks. Good Grief! Helping ourselves can be very dangerous!
It’s been a while since God found my fingerprints all over something sitting on the counter that I shouldn’t be eating, but when I think about it, hardly a day goes by that I don’t drag the kitchen chair over the counter and try to help myself (figuratively speaking) to something I want immediately and think I deserve, while imagining that God is in some far off corner of the universe doing His housekeeping. I wonder if God ever calls one of His angle friends over to see what I’ve gotten myself into? Today I want to live by the Fruit Snack rules. I want to ask and ask with humility and with respect.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above...” above my reach, “and cometh down from the Father of lights...” (see James 1:17) from my Heavenly Father and my Savior, who see in perfect light exactly what will, in the end, bring me the greatest measure of joy.
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Now I’m the Grandma of ten treat loving children and I do understand the fun of having something to share with them. However, the only homemade goodies at this grandma’s house are the ones their parents bring to Sunday dinner, or birthdays, or game nights. The sweets I personally keep in stock for “the Grands” are Fruit Snacks. They meet three important criteria. They don’t tempt me, they don’t make a mess, and the kids love them.
There are a few rules the children have come to understand about Grandma’s Fruit Snacks:
Lesson #1 The first rule is that the Fruit Snacks are a gift from Grandma and they are passed out spontaneously by Grandma or else given upon request by Grandma. Initially I kept the box full of the gummy treats in a place where little hands could reach, and reach they did. Now I keep them up high so the children cannot easily help themselves. I want them to know that they are a little present from me to them, not just something they can take, and take for granted, but something a little special. They all know exactly where they’re kept though, and every so often one of the little bandits drags a chair over to the cupboard, climbs up, and grabs a pack plus a few extras to pass out to the rest of the visiting siblings and cousins. That’s a no no!
Lesson #2 The second rule is that it’s not enough to simply remember the “ask first” rule. There’s the little matter of how you ask and when you ask. Fruit Snacks are not passed out to children who are grumpy, demanding, impatient, or who make an untimely request- before dinner, during dinner, or on the heels of some other family treat. Attitude and timing are definite considerations.
As you know by now I think it’s very instructive to watch and participate in earthly parenting and grand parenting and at the same time think about myself, a child of Heavenly Parents. I believe that with regard to Heavenly Father’s gifts the Fruit Snack rules also apply. Everything that’s good and good for me comes from God. Some things are given spontaneously without even asking and some are given by way of request. “Nannette” I can imagine Him saying, “There are many things in life I want to bless you with. I have placed them just out of reach. The solution is not to figuratively drag a chair to My shelf marked ‘for Nannette’ and then help yourself. Remember, ‘Ask and ye shall receive.’”
Next there’s the important matter of how to ask God. I am coming to understand that I can do the asking/seeking part and still miss the mark. Earthly parents work very hard to teach children the proper attitude for receiving assistance. When approached for help by a demanding, bossy, whiny child who wishes to be in charge of all the details, we have all been heard to say, “Now wait a minute. Maybe you need to think of a better way to ask. I think you’d better fix your attitude. Try that again.” Going to our Heavenly Father to have needs met is no different. I have to go to Him in humility, knowing that He knows best. I have to allow Him to set the terms. I have felt Him say to me at times, “Excuse me, could you think of a better way to ask?”
One of my daughters called me yesterday to tell me how things were going in her world with three children under six. “So mom, Jack is SO naughty! This morning while I was in folding laundry he went into the kitchen, pulled a chair over to the counter, and climbed up onto the counter. When I found him he was slathered in butter. The cube of butter was covered with little finger marks and the knobs of the kitchen sink faucet were all greasy. Apparently he’d tried to clean himself up by himself.” He's just 22-months-old and when she found him covered in butter all he could say is, “Ooooooh.”
My other daughter shares that 18-month-old Esters recently had her eyes on the cookies stored atop the kitchen cupboards in the little space between the top of the cabinets and the ceiling. To her mother’s horror Esther decided to see of she could get a bit closer to the treat using the oven door and cooking racks. Good Grief! Helping ourselves can be very dangerous!
It’s been a while since God found my fingerprints all over something sitting on the counter that I shouldn’t be eating, but when I think about it, hardly a day goes by that I don’t drag the kitchen chair over the counter and try to help myself (figuratively speaking) to something I want immediately and think I deserve, while imagining that God is in some far off corner of the universe doing His housekeeping. I wonder if God ever calls one of His angle friends over to see what I’ve gotten myself into? Today I want to live by the Fruit Snack rules. I want to ask and ask with humility and with respect.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above...” above my reach, “and cometh down from the Father of lights...” (see James 1:17) from my Heavenly Father and my Savior, who see in perfect light exactly what will, in the end, bring me the greatest measure of joy.
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
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