As far back as I can remember the Christmas season seemed to bring with it both excitement and anxiety. I grew up the oldest child in a family of nine. When December 1st rolled around one of my biggest concerns was how to get enough money to buy each of my siblings and my parents a Christmas present. As the seven of us were growing up we were each expected to do a weekly household job, without pay, just because we were part of the family. My father was a schoolteacher and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. There was not much excess.
I think back with gratitude that my mother had a plan to help us take care of our financial age 4-11 Christmas worries. Without fail, every Saturday morning for several weeks before the Big Day the old 3’ by 4’ piece of blackboard came out from behind the couch. Mom would use the chalk and fill the blackboard with lists of lots of little jobs (vacuuming the edges of a room, cleaning this drawer or that shelf, wiping window sills, cleaning a mirror or a window, shining up the woodwork etc). The list represented all the extra little things that needed to be accomplished around the house to really spruce the place up for the holidays. Mom took advantage of our need for a little money. Next to each job she chalked in how much money she would pay for that job “well done.” Each job was worth anywhere from five to twenty five cents. There were things on the board for all ages. I remember being very motivated by this system. As a job was completed we were paid and the completed task was erased. It was fun to see the little old black board empty by noon on Saturday.
When it was empty it meant we had each moved one Saturday closer to that magnificent yearly family excursion to the local “dime store” Newberry’s, where we would each purchase eight Christmas treasures. We split into two groups, each group being manned by one parent. Each of us got to push around our own cart. We thought that was pretty cool. We were required to bring a coat. The purpose of the coat was to provide cover over our secrets. There must have been much less concern over shoplifting back then. We sleuthed around the store, hiding things behind our backs, whispering in Mom or Dad’s ear, waiting for validation that the choice we had made for someone was “a great idea, honey!” I don’t think we ever had more that ten or fifteen dollars to spread eight ways. But, we all came home satisfied that we had worked for and secreted away eight “somethings” that were really going to bring smiles on Christmas morning.
Every year our Dad lovingly hand flocked a little tree for our “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas in Los Angeles,” mother. Before our shopping spree each year it was bare under the tree. After the shopping was complete there was no pause between entry into the house and our scurrying into some hiding place with paper, tape, and a stack of old Christmas cards we'd cut up to make just the right tag for each gift. Most times the tag was bigger than the gift. In one fell swoop we would move from having nothing under that tree to having a carpet of forty little things wrapped as only children can wrap, awaiting Christmas morning.
I don’t remember even one of the things I received as a result of this humble Christmas tradition. All I remember are feelings, the feeling that my mother cared enough to help us have a good experience giving to each other, a feeling of excitement at finding just the right thing that could be paid for with what was in my pocket, and the feelings of anticipation, of looking forward to the hour when all those little dime store packages would be opened one at a time with lots of “Thanks, that’s just what I wanted!” with hugs all around.
One of the most wide spread troubles of our day was the problem of debt. Spending is an activity that has become a compulsive/addictive behavior for many. Maybe the message of this old Christmas memory is, “Keep It Simple.” Surprises don’t need to be costly. Expressions of our love for each other don’t have to involve money at all. As kids we couldn’t have had any more fun if we’d each had a hundred dollars to spend. Although gifts will be given, maybe this Christmas the most important thing I can do for others doesn’t have to involve a tangible wrapped, ribboned and tagged gift at all. Maybe the greatest contribution I can make to others is to live in recovery, with the serenity and sanity that come from living within my means. Just as our mother helped us as children, the Lord can help us live this way, with JOY!
By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, November 30, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
“Falling” Into Christmas – Step 10 – Daily Accountability
My daughter called and related the following experience to me. She said she could call it, “Wild Boys on the Loose,” “Irresponsible Mothers,” “Christmas Tree Festival Gone Bad,” or “So There I Was…” but her first thought after it happened, after everyone in an auditorium full of Christmas Tree Charity Cheer was staring at her and her children, was “Here’s Something For Mom To Blog About.”
Quoting my daughter…“Sometimes I think the most constant thought in the mind of a little boy is, "What should I do next to drive my mother crazy? Well today my children and I went with some friends and their children to a charity event where decorated, donated Christmas trees are on display. They remain on exhibit for several days. Each tree is sold to the highest bidder and the money goes to charity. Things were going great in the beginning. There was a band playing. The children had a great time dancing to the music. We walked up and down all the rows of trees. I was pretty impressed at how good the kids were about not touching things.”
“We decided the Princess Tree was the perfect opportunity to take a picture of all our little girls. We lined all our princesses up in front of the Disney creation. Then one of the moms suggested we take a picture of all the little boys in front of one of the sets of three twenty foot, attached, wooden, lighted trees that stood in multiple places in the hall as decoration for the festival. While our attention was focused on the girls the little boys started crawling in between the wooden trees. We got them to stop, line up, and smile for the camera. My friend turned around to tell me she got a very cute picture of my son, TJ. I looked up just in time to see that the boys had resumed their play near the wooden trees. I was about to step in and break up the nonsense when catastrophe struck! Too late! One of the little fellows pushed another one, who fell against the three wooden trees. Suddenly the trees began to fall down right before my eyes. I was amazed by the number of thoughts I could have in the 5 seconds it took me to get over to the trees. The whole thing felt like it was in slow motion. My first thought was, “Those trees really aren't going to fall are they?” I pushed my friend aside and we both ran toward the disaster in progress. I thought about running behind the scene. I’m glad I rethought! The three wooden twenty-foot trees would have squished me. In the end all we could really do was watch them fall.”
“I stood there shocked over what had transpired, with complete embarrassment as the crowds turned and looked on, but feeling much gratitude that no one had been hurt and that there had been no domino effect on the other trees in the building.
Finally I addressed my two-year-old son. “TJ tell me what happened.”
“I pushed Mowoni ( Moroni ), Mowoni pushed the twees (trees), and the twees fall down.”
I don’t know what it is about the Thanksgiving/Christmas Season, but I seem to have more than average opportunity to practice Step 10, which is to, “Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.” Maybe it has something to do with high expectations, too little money, long to-do lists, hurry hurry, and more social gatherings than my calendar can handle. My daughter’s experience brought to my mind the very obvious nature of most of my own wrong doings. Like crashing twenty-foot Christmas trees, my daily errors are not usually hidden out of sight or wrapped in “whose to blame” confusion. This season I want to stay ahead of the game and be like TJ. When “the twees falls down” my confession should be immediate, simple, honest, and without excuse.
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, November 28, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Quoting my daughter…“Sometimes I think the most constant thought in the mind of a little boy is, "What should I do next to drive my mother crazy? Well today my children and I went with some friends and their children to a charity event where decorated, donated Christmas trees are on display. They remain on exhibit for several days. Each tree is sold to the highest bidder and the money goes to charity. Things were going great in the beginning. There was a band playing. The children had a great time dancing to the music. We walked up and down all the rows of trees. I was pretty impressed at how good the kids were about not touching things.”
“We decided the Princess Tree was the perfect opportunity to take a picture of all our little girls. We lined all our princesses up in front of the Disney creation. Then one of the moms suggested we take a picture of all the little boys in front of one of the sets of three twenty foot, attached, wooden, lighted trees that stood in multiple places in the hall as decoration for the festival. While our attention was focused on the girls the little boys started crawling in between the wooden trees. We got them to stop, line up, and smile for the camera. My friend turned around to tell me she got a very cute picture of my son, TJ. I looked up just in time to see that the boys had resumed their play near the wooden trees. I was about to step in and break up the nonsense when catastrophe struck! Too late! One of the little fellows pushed another one, who fell against the three wooden trees. Suddenly the trees began to fall down right before my eyes. I was amazed by the number of thoughts I could have in the 5 seconds it took me to get over to the trees. The whole thing felt like it was in slow motion. My first thought was, “Those trees really aren't going to fall are they?” I pushed my friend aside and we both ran toward the disaster in progress. I thought about running behind the scene. I’m glad I rethought! The three wooden twenty-foot trees would have squished me. In the end all we could really do was watch them fall.”
“I stood there shocked over what had transpired, with complete embarrassment as the crowds turned and looked on, but feeling much gratitude that no one had been hurt and that there had been no domino effect on the other trees in the building.
Finally I addressed my two-year-old son. “TJ tell me what happened.”
“I pushed Mowoni ( Moroni ), Mowoni pushed the twees (trees), and the twees fall down.”
I don’t know what it is about the Thanksgiving/Christmas Season, but I seem to have more than average opportunity to practice Step 10, which is to, “Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.” Maybe it has something to do with high expectations, too little money, long to-do lists, hurry hurry, and more social gatherings than my calendar can handle. My daughter’s experience brought to my mind the very obvious nature of most of my own wrong doings. Like crashing twenty-foot Christmas trees, my daily errors are not usually hidden out of sight or wrapped in “whose to blame” confusion. This season I want to stay ahead of the game and be like TJ. When “the twees falls down” my confession should be immediate, simple, honest, and without excuse.
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, November 28, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
“Does Pumpkin Pie Have To Be For Dessert?”
Last year at the end of Thanksgiving dinner, when the pies were finally set out for public consumption, my sister-in-law had this suggestion, “Next year let’s start with the pies and then set out all the other stuff.” Ethan’s (age 7) must have had the same idea this year at Thanksgiving dinner. He definitely had pie on the brain. I happen to know this because of the question he came asking in the middle of that very hectic, last minute, dinner prep panic. I sincerely hope this scenario is not unique to our family: Ethan’s dad (my son-in-law) by default, was slicing up the still flaming hot turkey, the Jell-O was starting to melt and the broccoli and mashed potatoes were getting colder by the minute, the cheese sauce was in need of another round in the microwave, and the gravy was yet to be made. Every child in the house had asked for a roll and every adult had already eaten one. Twenty-four family members waited for the call to prayer!
This was the picture of my kitchen when Ethan wandered through and asked, “Grandma, does the pumpkin pie have to be for dessert?”
“Yes Ethan.” I replied with a laugh.
“Oh Darn!” he said, with notable disappointment, as he ran out of the kitchen.
Now that was a profound question I thought, as I stood stirring the gravy. It represents the question of the ages. It’s one of the most important understandings we can settle on in our mortal minds, and as early as possible. I want the pumpkin pie first too, Ethan. I want to skip to the end of the book without wading through all the details. I want to be at the top of the mountain without the climb. I want to be a concert pianist without all those dreadful hours of practice. I want to speak Spanish without learning it. I want the new baby without the nine-month wait and the hours and hours of labor. I want to “play first, and play later.” I want the college degree without doing research and writing papers and attending lectures and taking tests. I want to recover without doing the 12 Step work that brings recovery.
“Yes, Ethan, the pumpkin pie is for dessert.” It works that way at Grandma Nan’s house. A taste of the yams, a spoonful of the three-bean salad, a bit of cranberry sauce and a dive into the mashed potatoes will have to be experienced before pie time arrives. It works that way in Heavenly Father’s house too. The “pumpkin pie last” principle is hard to accept but it’s really a great blessing. It keeps us moving forward, pressing forward, and looking forward. Part of our Heavenly Father’s plan is to save the best for last.
This principle was impressively operative in the life of His Son, Our Savior Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul says “…let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before him, ahead of him; the joy of sitting down at the right hand of His Heavenly Father.
Sometimes I want Eternity without putting in the “time.” We might be able to talk our Grandma into a sliver of this or that before we finish the veggies on the plate, but where God is concerned the best is yet to come. Pumpkin Pie Is For Dessert!
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, November 27, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
This was the picture of my kitchen when Ethan wandered through and asked, “Grandma, does the pumpkin pie have to be for dessert?”
“Yes Ethan.” I replied with a laugh.
“Oh Darn!” he said, with notable disappointment, as he ran out of the kitchen.
Now that was a profound question I thought, as I stood stirring the gravy. It represents the question of the ages. It’s one of the most important understandings we can settle on in our mortal minds, and as early as possible. I want the pumpkin pie first too, Ethan. I want to skip to the end of the book without wading through all the details. I want to be at the top of the mountain without the climb. I want to be a concert pianist without all those dreadful hours of practice. I want to speak Spanish without learning it. I want the new baby without the nine-month wait and the hours and hours of labor. I want to “play first, and play later.” I want the college degree without doing research and writing papers and attending lectures and taking tests. I want to recover without doing the 12 Step work that brings recovery.
“Yes, Ethan, the pumpkin pie is for dessert.” It works that way at Grandma Nan’s house. A taste of the yams, a spoonful of the three-bean salad, a bit of cranberry sauce and a dive into the mashed potatoes will have to be experienced before pie time arrives. It works that way in Heavenly Father’s house too. The “pumpkin pie last” principle is hard to accept but it’s really a great blessing. It keeps us moving forward, pressing forward, and looking forward. Part of our Heavenly Father’s plan is to save the best for last.
This principle was impressively operative in the life of His Son, Our Savior Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul says “…let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before him, ahead of him; the joy of sitting down at the right hand of His Heavenly Father.
Sometimes I want Eternity without putting in the “time.” We might be able to talk our Grandma into a sliver of this or that before we finish the veggies on the plate, but where God is concerned the best is yet to come. Pumpkin Pie Is For Dessert!
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, November 27, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
“I Love You Jesus,” said little Nan...
Years ago, in a General Conference talk, President Monson shared the poem, “Which Loved Best?” It was timely for me, in the middle of raising my family. In those days I collected classic poems and helped my children memorize them as part of their home school curriculum. I remember listening to Elder Monson recite this poem, taking particular note of the message, and determining that it would be next up on the “poetry to teach” list.
Which Loved Best?
“I love you, mother,” said little John;
Then, forgetting his work, his cap went on,
And he was off to the garden swing,
Leaving his mother the wood to bring.
“I love you, mother,” said rosy Nell;
“I love you better than tongue can tell”;
Then she teased and pouted full half the day,
Till her mother rejoiced when she went to play.
“I love you, mother,” said little Fan;
“Today I’ll help you all I can.
How glad I am that school doesn’t keep!”
So she rocked the baby till it fell asleep.
Then, stepping softly, she took the broom,
And swept the floor, and dusted the room;
Busy and happy all day was she,
Helpful and cheerful as child could be.
“I love you, mother,” again they said—
Three little children going to bed;
How do you think that mother guessed
Which of them really loved her best?”
(Joy Allison, Highdays and Holidays, 133)
If you have children or if you’ve ever been a child I’m sure you can imagine my motivation in teaching this poem to my five, at home all day, mostly obedient, nearly constant companions. The big manipulation, I mean the big message, in my mind was, “Kids, if you really love me then be kind, be helpful, and be obedient all day long! If you really love me, show me!!!”
I’m not sure the poem proved to be successful manipulation or proper motivation. Later I ran across and studied a verse of scripture that helped me understand why. In D&C 42:29 the Lord said, “If thou lovest me thou shalt serve me and keep all of my commandments.”
I decided to look up the little word “shalt.” According the dictionary the word “shalt” is “used to express what seems inevitable or likely.” The verse might read, “If you love me [it is very likely or inevitable that you will] keep my commandments.” This thought came to my mind: “Nannette, God is not manipulating us here like a whiney mother saying: ‘If you really love me you would do the dishes; you would get up for church, etc.’ No! God is expressing the truth that the natural result of love for Him is obedience.”
Out of lack of patience and understanding am I guilty of putting the cart before the horse? Have I not understood the relationship between love and obedience in my relationship to my children or to the Lord? In both cases I have often focused on the look of love instead of the real thing.
Could it be that serving God and keeping His commandments will flow naturally out of my love for Him? Keeping or not keeping commandments is in fact an outward sign of my feelings for Him. So often I put all my focus and energy toward working on a particular commandment that is difficult for me. Maybe I would make more progress in obedience if I worked on my feelings for the Lord.
The next question is, “What can I do to help my love for God grow?” 1 John 4:19 says, “We love Him, because he first loved us,” John is saying that we love Jesus to the extent that we recognize His love for us. Conscious contact with His love for us yields love for Him, and love for Him yields obedience.
Lesson Learned: As I watch and pray to see the hand of the Lord in my life (evidence of His love for me) I receive the blessing of knowing that God loves me. I in turn feel love for God. The natural result of my love for God is my desire to serve Him and keep His commandments. My motivation becomes more pure. My actions become the expression of authentic love. “I Love You Jesus,” said little Nan…
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Which Loved Best?
“I love you, mother,” said little John;
Then, forgetting his work, his cap went on,
And he was off to the garden swing,
Leaving his mother the wood to bring.
“I love you, mother,” said rosy Nell;
“I love you better than tongue can tell”;
Then she teased and pouted full half the day,
Till her mother rejoiced when she went to play.
“I love you, mother,” said little Fan;
“Today I’ll help you all I can.
How glad I am that school doesn’t keep!”
So she rocked the baby till it fell asleep.
Then, stepping softly, she took the broom,
And swept the floor, and dusted the room;
Busy and happy all day was she,
Helpful and cheerful as child could be.
“I love you, mother,” again they said—
Three little children going to bed;
How do you think that mother guessed
Which of them really loved her best?”
(Joy Allison, Highdays and Holidays, 133)
If you have children or if you’ve ever been a child I’m sure you can imagine my motivation in teaching this poem to my five, at home all day, mostly obedient, nearly constant companions. The big manipulation, I mean the big message, in my mind was, “Kids, if you really love me then be kind, be helpful, and be obedient all day long! If you really love me, show me!!!”
I’m not sure the poem proved to be successful manipulation or proper motivation. Later I ran across and studied a verse of scripture that helped me understand why. In D&C 42:29 the Lord said, “If thou lovest me thou shalt serve me and keep all of my commandments.”
I decided to look up the little word “shalt.” According the dictionary the word “shalt” is “used to express what seems inevitable or likely.” The verse might read, “If you love me [it is very likely or inevitable that you will] keep my commandments.” This thought came to my mind: “Nannette, God is not manipulating us here like a whiney mother saying: ‘If you really love me you would do the dishes; you would get up for church, etc.’ No! God is expressing the truth that the natural result of love for Him is obedience.”
Out of lack of patience and understanding am I guilty of putting the cart before the horse? Have I not understood the relationship between love and obedience in my relationship to my children or to the Lord? In both cases I have often focused on the look of love instead of the real thing.
Could it be that serving God and keeping His commandments will flow naturally out of my love for Him? Keeping or not keeping commandments is in fact an outward sign of my feelings for Him. So often I put all my focus and energy toward working on a particular commandment that is difficult for me. Maybe I would make more progress in obedience if I worked on my feelings for the Lord.
The next question is, “What can I do to help my love for God grow?” 1 John 4:19 says, “We love Him, because he first loved us,” John is saying that we love Jesus to the extent that we recognize His love for us. Conscious contact with His love for us yields love for Him, and love for Him yields obedience.
Lesson Learned: As I watch and pray to see the hand of the Lord in my life (evidence of His love for me) I receive the blessing of knowing that God loves me. I in turn feel love for God. The natural result of my love for God is my desire to serve Him and keep His commandments. My motivation becomes more pure. My actions become the expression of authentic love. “I Love You Jesus,” said little Nan…
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Why the Tears, Kimball? – Step 11 - Personal Revelation
My Sister, Jane, related to me the following experience she recently had with her two-year-old grandson, Kimball. Quoting Jane:
“I've been trying to learn Spanish by memorizing some of the primary songs in Spanish. I’m motivated in part by the desire to communicate better with my little two-year-old Spanish-speaking Grandson, Kimball. I have learned four songs, so the other day I decided to give Kimball, who is living far away from me, a call and sing them to him. I called in the afternoon. Kimball was busy playing and wasn’t interested in talking on the phone, so I we made a plan and when he was ready to listen, just before going to bed, his parents called and put me on speakerphone. It was a bit intimidating singing in Spanish to Kimball’s native speaking mother, his father, my son, who is not native but speaks like one, and a little fellow who doesn't understand much English because all he speaks at home is Spanish. But, I decided to give it my best shot, with my best accent!
I began singing and I got through the first couple of songs when suddenly Kimball totally lost it and started yelling and crying. I commented that I hoped my singing wasn't THAT bad. My daughter-in-law tried to figure out what was wrong and tried to calm Kimball down. Finally she said sincerely, “Mom, I think Kimball misses you.” They asked me to hurry and sing another song, which I did. He settled right down, so I sang another. He kept saying, "More, more," so I got out the little book that he and I sang out of so many times this last summer and began singing all the nursery rhyme songs. I just went from one song to the next. “More, more,” was his response. The call ended on a humorous note. I had a funny thought run through my mind while I was singing one of the songs. When I was finished Todd expressed it out loud. He said, "Mom I hate to tell you this, but you sound like the singing bush in the movie, 'The Three Amigos,'" and we both totally cracked up. While we were laughing he said, “The next song should be ‘She'll be Coming Round the Mountain.’” I turned the page of the songbook and to my surprise it WAS the next song. Then we laughed even harder.”
My sister shared her experience with me and I was reminded of how very tenderhearted we all are. Could it be possible that at age two this little man could be sensitive and capable of “missing” someone far away? I thought about the addict and remembered Scott Peck’s thought in The Road Less Traveled, that the addict is the most homesick person for Heaven, on the earth. In the LDS Family Services A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing (see side bar links) it says, “A common characteristic of many who have suffered from addiction is a sense of isolation. Even in a crowd or while engaged in activities where others might feel a sense of connectedness, we felt like we didn’t fit in” (Page 29).
A feeling of fellowship, acceptance and love from God and others are the seedbed of recovery and are a powerful and motivational aspect of the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program. When we participate in support group meetings we associate with other Saints who have admitted their great need for the help of God. We can relate. We fit in. Then as we work to apply Gospel principles that bring recovery we find ourselves participating with the Lord, hour by hour, one day at a time. We feel His love. We find we need never be alone.
Sometimes when I pray, sing a hymn, read scripture, hear a particular song, receive a thought through the Holy Spirit, or listen to others share their experience, faith and hope, I cry. I love to hear the voice of the Lord sing to me in any form. He speaks my language. He speaks yours. I miss Him. “More, more!!!” That’s how I feel too!
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, November 22, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
“I've been trying to learn Spanish by memorizing some of the primary songs in Spanish. I’m motivated in part by the desire to communicate better with my little two-year-old Spanish-speaking Grandson, Kimball. I have learned four songs, so the other day I decided to give Kimball, who is living far away from me, a call and sing them to him. I called in the afternoon. Kimball was busy playing and wasn’t interested in talking on the phone, so I we made a plan and when he was ready to listen, just before going to bed, his parents called and put me on speakerphone. It was a bit intimidating singing in Spanish to Kimball’s native speaking mother, his father, my son, who is not native but speaks like one, and a little fellow who doesn't understand much English because all he speaks at home is Spanish. But, I decided to give it my best shot, with my best accent!
I began singing and I got through the first couple of songs when suddenly Kimball totally lost it and started yelling and crying. I commented that I hoped my singing wasn't THAT bad. My daughter-in-law tried to figure out what was wrong and tried to calm Kimball down. Finally she said sincerely, “Mom, I think Kimball misses you.” They asked me to hurry and sing another song, which I did. He settled right down, so I sang another. He kept saying, "More, more," so I got out the little book that he and I sang out of so many times this last summer and began singing all the nursery rhyme songs. I just went from one song to the next. “More, more,” was his response. The call ended on a humorous note. I had a funny thought run through my mind while I was singing one of the songs. When I was finished Todd expressed it out loud. He said, "Mom I hate to tell you this, but you sound like the singing bush in the movie, 'The Three Amigos,'" and we both totally cracked up. While we were laughing he said, “The next song should be ‘She'll be Coming Round the Mountain.’” I turned the page of the songbook and to my surprise it WAS the next song. Then we laughed even harder.”
My sister shared her experience with me and I was reminded of how very tenderhearted we all are. Could it be possible that at age two this little man could be sensitive and capable of “missing” someone far away? I thought about the addict and remembered Scott Peck’s thought in The Road Less Traveled, that the addict is the most homesick person for Heaven, on the earth. In the LDS Family Services A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing (see side bar links) it says, “A common characteristic of many who have suffered from addiction is a sense of isolation. Even in a crowd or while engaged in activities where others might feel a sense of connectedness, we felt like we didn’t fit in” (Page 29).
A feeling of fellowship, acceptance and love from God and others are the seedbed of recovery and are a powerful and motivational aspect of the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program. When we participate in support group meetings we associate with other Saints who have admitted their great need for the help of God. We can relate. We fit in. Then as we work to apply Gospel principles that bring recovery we find ourselves participating with the Lord, hour by hour, one day at a time. We feel His love. We find we need never be alone.
Sometimes when I pray, sing a hymn, read scripture, hear a particular song, receive a thought through the Holy Spirit, or listen to others share their experience, faith and hope, I cry. I love to hear the voice of the Lord sing to me in any form. He speaks my language. He speaks yours. I miss Him. “More, more!!!” That’s how I feel too!
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, November 22, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
“Only Us Are Going To Watch Ourselves!” – Step 10 Daily Accountability
As I was raising my children I involved them in lots of extra curricular, after school activities…dance, piano, violin, basketball, soccer, lacrosse, swimming, karate, band, and choir. You name it; someone tried it! Depending on the situation I accompanied them and listened and watched, or I dropped them off and picked them up after the practice, lesson or rehearsal. Sometimes as an observing parent I was allowed right in the room where the children were being instructed. Other times I looked on through a one-way window. Most often though, the return home conversation was the only connection I had with how things had gone during the activity, because parents were not invited to the class/practice. The reasoning was that learning requires the child’s focus. I must admit that a row of chitchatting mothers on the sidelines or younger siblings who can’t wait to run out onto the floor or court or into the studio does not facilitate focus and learning. It definitely presents a challenge for the young aspiring dancer, musician, or star of the game.
My daughters are now in the throws of after school activities. I was interviewing one of their little girls one morning about her plans for the day. She informed me that today was dancing day. She was quick to make sure I knew that I was NOT invited to observe. Apparently this was not parent visiting day and it was not the day of the final recital. She made this clear with these words, “Grandma, only us are going to watch ourselves!”
As she ran out of the room to put on her leotard, tights and little pink dance skirt her words echoed in my mind. “Grandma, only us are going to watch ourselves!” That’s a pretty important thing to learn to do in life. It’s such a temptation to focus on things that distract us from learning from our own experience. In Step 10 we are challenged to: “Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it.” In order for me to take this step I have to focus. I have to be self-observant. Sometimes I have to tune out the noisy world around me. Sometimes I have to ignore the cheers and the criticism from the sidelines and imagine that I am alone with my Teacher. Daily life is not a performance; it’s a lesson, a class, a rehearsal, a practice. There are great things to be learned today if I am brave enough to say to the world, “Today ‘only us are going to watch ourselves!’”
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, November 20, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
My daughters are now in the throws of after school activities. I was interviewing one of their little girls one morning about her plans for the day. She informed me that today was dancing day. She was quick to make sure I knew that I was NOT invited to observe. Apparently this was not parent visiting day and it was not the day of the final recital. She made this clear with these words, “Grandma, only us are going to watch ourselves!”
As she ran out of the room to put on her leotard, tights and little pink dance skirt her words echoed in my mind. “Grandma, only us are going to watch ourselves!” That’s a pretty important thing to learn to do in life. It’s such a temptation to focus on things that distract us from learning from our own experience. In Step 10 we are challenged to: “Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it.” In order for me to take this step I have to focus. I have to be self-observant. Sometimes I have to tune out the noisy world around me. Sometimes I have to ignore the cheers and the criticism from the sidelines and imagine that I am alone with my Teacher. Daily life is not a performance; it’s a lesson, a class, a rehearsal, a practice. There are great things to be learned today if I am brave enough to say to the world, “Today ‘only us are going to watch ourselves!’”
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, November 20, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
“Later Grandma!” – Step 11
During lunch one day I was talking to my Granddaughter Sammy (age four) and called her my “sister.” She told me in no uncertain terms that I was not her sister. I started trying to help her understand that in a “Heavenly” context I really was. I was barely into the explanation when she bolted from her chair at the kitchen table and said, as she skipped out of the room, “Let’s talk about this later Grandma.”
I chuckled to myself because it reminded me of the way I occasionally treat the Lord. Sometimes when he wants to do a little explaining, instead of feasting “upon the words of Christ” (2 Nephi 32:3) I say, in so many words, “Let’s talk about this later.”
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
I chuckled to myself because it reminded me of the way I occasionally treat the Lord. Sometimes when he wants to do a little explaining, instead of feasting “upon the words of Christ” (2 Nephi 32:3) I say, in so many words, “Let’s talk about this later.”
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Monday, November 17, 2008
The Danger of Supposing – Step 3 and Step 11
One of the blessings of the Book of Mormon is the realness of the people. The descriptions of their feelings during challenging times are authentic and can be very instructive. One of my favorite women in scripture is our sister Sariah, the wife of the Prophet Lehi. My experience is certainly not her experience. She has been asked by the Lord, through her husband, to give up all she has, except her children, and a handful of necessities and head for the wilderness. Her supportive feelings turn to terror when her sons, who have gone on an errand for the Lord, fail to return home as planned. Though her experience is extreme, many of us can relate on some level to her willingness one minute, to surrender so much to the Lord, and another minute, being paralyzed with fear that she might have lost it all.
Her son Nephi describes the situation, as he finds it, as he and his brothers return home with their mission accomplished. “And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father, behold, he was filled with joy, and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us. For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.” (1 Nephi 5:1)
There are probably many things to be learned from the description of Sariah’s crisis of faith. This is an insight that came to me as I studied using my dictionary as a tool for greater understanding
The first thing that came to mind as I read Sariah’s experience was a personal question. “What gets me into spiritual trouble? I don’t think there are wasted words in scripture. As I searched the verses of the story for some answer this phrase stood out to me, “For she had supposed...”
What does it mean to “suppose?” I wondered. I looked it up and here’s what I found:
To “suppose” is to assume to be true, to expect, to think probable, to view a plausible or likely, to draw an inference from slight or inadequate evidence, to take for granted especially on trivial or inadequate grounds, to assume, imagine, suspect, guess, conjecture, presume, surmise, pretend or speculate.(Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
The word “suppose” is such a seeming innocent little verb. Could it possibly be that our propensity for Godless “supposing” is the foundation for Godless fear, fear that leads us to whine, and complain, and sit down in the middle of the road of progress and eat a cake, or take a pill, or head for the mall.
Supposing is what I do out of fear. “Supposing” leads to uneducated worry, which leads to uneducated complaining, which leads to any number of uneducated choices. Today, instead of “supposing” in matters large and small I want to turn to my all- knowing Savior, Jesus Christ. Why should weary myself with “supposing” when I can turn to “The Truth!”
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, November 17, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Her son Nephi describes the situation, as he finds it, as he and his brothers return home with their mission accomplished. “And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father, behold, he was filled with joy, and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us. For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.” (1 Nephi 5:1)
There are probably many things to be learned from the description of Sariah’s crisis of faith. This is an insight that came to me as I studied using my dictionary as a tool for greater understanding
The first thing that came to mind as I read Sariah’s experience was a personal question. “What gets me into spiritual trouble? I don’t think there are wasted words in scripture. As I searched the verses of the story for some answer this phrase stood out to me, “For she had supposed...”
What does it mean to “suppose?” I wondered. I looked it up and here’s what I found:
To “suppose” is to assume to be true, to expect, to think probable, to view a plausible or likely, to draw an inference from slight or inadequate evidence, to take for granted especially on trivial or inadequate grounds, to assume, imagine, suspect, guess, conjecture, presume, surmise, pretend or speculate.(Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
The word “suppose” is such a seeming innocent little verb. Could it possibly be that our propensity for Godless “supposing” is the foundation for Godless fear, fear that leads us to whine, and complain, and sit down in the middle of the road of progress and eat a cake, or take a pill, or head for the mall.
Supposing is what I do out of fear. “Supposing” leads to uneducated worry, which leads to uneducated complaining, which leads to any number of uneducated choices. Today, instead of “supposing” in matters large and small I want to turn to my all- knowing Savior, Jesus Christ. Why should weary myself with “supposing” when I can turn to “The Truth!”
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, November 17, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
“It’s a Free Country!” Or Not - Abstinence
I can’t remember how young I was the first time I used the phrase, “It’s a free country” to justify something I had just done or something I wanted to do. My brother told me that when his son Jonathan, was just a little guy, he was next door playing with a friend. About dinnertime my brother walked to the neighbors to retrieve his three year old and bring him in for the night. He knocked. Jonathan and his little friend answered the door.
“It’s time to come home son, mom’s got dinner all ready,” said dad, hoping for a smooth transition.
Jonathan’s reply, “I don’t have to come home! It’s a free country! I can do anything I want!”
Later that night, my brother announced to Mister Independence that it was now time to take a bath. Once again Jonathan spoke his mind. With hands on his hips and with as much determination as he could exhibit, Jonathan reminded his dad that because of the kind of country we live in “free” he did not have to take a bath.
“I don’t have to take a bath. It’s a free country,” he said. And then, just to make his stance perfectly clear the little fellow who didn’t quite have the “th” sound mastered, added, “And when I turn four, it will be a four country!”
There seems to be a lot of confusion in the world, even among “big people” concerning the concept of freedom. This confusion is the root of so many of our world wide, national, and personal struggles, including the epidemic problem of addiction.
There are times when I am tempted to use the word “freedom” to justify my right to act out in some way that is unhealthy or destructive to me or to others. “I can eat this, do or not do that, say this, act like that…I’m free! It’s a free country! I usually don’t say it out loud. I allow it to run through my mind when the opportunity arises to take action, action that in the past, resulted in some kind of misery and a surprising loss of freedom.
Nephi tries to help us straighten out our confusion when he taught, “Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” (2 Nephi 2:27)
In other words, I have God given freedom to choose. I can use that freedom to choose greater freedom, or I can use it to choose captivity; to choose to be less free in some area of my life. Let’s take the freedom to eat for example; when I exert my freedom by choosing to eat well, I receive greater freedom in the form of a health body, clear thinking, ease of movement, and a mind free of worry about the subject. But if I use the freedom to choose to justify poor eating I forfeit freedom. For the alcoholic/addict that loss of freedom comes in the form of “jails, institutions, or death.” Although no one will ever put me in jail for destructive eating, I understand the sorrow of making a prison out of my own body.
Living in recovery is helping me sort out my own confusion about this business of freedom. Today I practice catching myself mid thought, before I take destructive action. The truth is, I am free to eat, drink, and take whatever I want into my body. I’m free to do or not do, to speak or not speak, and to act according to my will because, like Jonathan said, it is in fact is “a free country!” But on my next birthday, based on my choices this year, it won’t be a “four country” It will be a place of greater or lesser personal freedom based on my choices today.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, November 15, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
“It’s time to come home son, mom’s got dinner all ready,” said dad, hoping for a smooth transition.
Jonathan’s reply, “I don’t have to come home! It’s a free country! I can do anything I want!”
Later that night, my brother announced to Mister Independence that it was now time to take a bath. Once again Jonathan spoke his mind. With hands on his hips and with as much determination as he could exhibit, Jonathan reminded his dad that because of the kind of country we live in “free” he did not have to take a bath.
“I don’t have to take a bath. It’s a free country,” he said. And then, just to make his stance perfectly clear the little fellow who didn’t quite have the “th” sound mastered, added, “And when I turn four, it will be a four country!”
There seems to be a lot of confusion in the world, even among “big people” concerning the concept of freedom. This confusion is the root of so many of our world wide, national, and personal struggles, including the epidemic problem of addiction.
There are times when I am tempted to use the word “freedom” to justify my right to act out in some way that is unhealthy or destructive to me or to others. “I can eat this, do or not do that, say this, act like that…I’m free! It’s a free country! I usually don’t say it out loud. I allow it to run through my mind when the opportunity arises to take action, action that in the past, resulted in some kind of misery and a surprising loss of freedom.
Nephi tries to help us straighten out our confusion when he taught, “Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” (2 Nephi 2:27)
In other words, I have God given freedom to choose. I can use that freedom to choose greater freedom, or I can use it to choose captivity; to choose to be less free in some area of my life. Let’s take the freedom to eat for example; when I exert my freedom by choosing to eat well, I receive greater freedom in the form of a health body, clear thinking, ease of movement, and a mind free of worry about the subject. But if I use the freedom to choose to justify poor eating I forfeit freedom. For the alcoholic/addict that loss of freedom comes in the form of “jails, institutions, or death.” Although no one will ever put me in jail for destructive eating, I understand the sorrow of making a prison out of my own body.
Living in recovery is helping me sort out my own confusion about this business of freedom. Today I practice catching myself mid thought, before I take destructive action. The truth is, I am free to eat, drink, and take whatever I want into my body. I’m free to do or not do, to speak or not speak, and to act according to my will because, like Jonathan said, it is in fact is “a free country!” But on my next birthday, based on my choices this year, it won’t be a “four country” It will be a place of greater or lesser personal freedom based on my choices today.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, November 15, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Likening ALL Scripture Unto Myself - It Takes Courage! - Scripture Study
One Sunday during the sacrament I prayed about what I might repent of. The answer that came to my mind was prompted directly by my Gospel Doctrine study that week. The prompting I received was that I needed to liken myself unto the “prayerless ponderers” I had just read about in 2 Nephi 32. What came to my mind was this. “Nannette, you are also guilty of too much pondering, mulling, frustrating over this and that and too little prayerful seeking of the words of Christ through the Holy Ghost to solve problems and answer your questions.” My conscience was pricked. I knew I had received truth. The Holy Ghost used ancient scripture and the sins of an ancient people to speak directly to me.
I the middle of the Gospel Doctrine lesson that followed, as the teacher rounded the corner to 2 Nephi 32, I raised my hand and shared the likening lesson I had experienced just moments before, during the Sacrament. The response was interesting. For the next 10 minutes, class members discussed the positive value of pondering. “Well, the Lord expects us to do some thinking on our own!” At last the teacher concluded and emphasized in no uncertain terms, “You know, these people Nephi was addressing were really really bad.” In other words, we couldn’t possibly liken ourselves to them.
I listened and made no further comment. I wondered though, how they might react, if they knew that in my study, I allow the Lord to teach me by likening my behavior unto a variety of scripturally imperfect mortals, like Laman, Jonah, faltering Sarah, etc. It’s worth it! It challenges! It helps me grow!
If I never see myself in the “bad guys” I will completely miss the remedy for redemption. And while I am busy patting myself on the back for not being “that bad,” those who recognize their “wickedness” are busy embracing the words of the prophets and the redemptive power of Jesus Christ for themselves. I fear for those of us who are “pretty good.” I fear that the “not that bad” will need the Savior “not that much.”
Like the little child who finds himself in trouble, we are not past playing the, “But he…” card, pointing out some greater sin in our brother or sister, ancient or modern. It makes us feel good as we place ourselves on the behavior scale and find that we score high on the chart in comparison. But what if in the end, it is not about a comparison based on behavior. What if it’s all about recognition of sin based on principles and learning to come unto Christ for redeeming power, no matter what the sin?
If a princess has only a pea-sized sin under her set of mattresses it’s still absolutely critical to recognize the thing and remove it. I think I can learn something about that process from what the prophets say to the princes and princesses attempting to rest on a foundation of boulders-sized sins.
Likening scripture is not about exact comparison. No human experience is the exact mirror of another. If that is what we are looking for we will miss some very important lessons. Here is a simple three-question method for likening all scripture unto ourselves and receiving all we can from the process:
1. What? – Prayerfully read the scripture story or account. Write about what happened, the details for story.
2. So What? – Prayerfully seek to understand and write about the principle involved.
3. What Now? - Be brave and allow the spirit to possibly convict you of your own weakness. Write about your experience. Then prayerfully receive and record the counsel you receive from the Holy Spirit and the scriptures.
I have been willing to study with an eye for my shortcomings in the light of greater understanding of the purpose of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As a result of His sacrifice He has received power to change me, convert me, redeem me today. That is His work and His glory. It brings Him joy. My work is to recognize my weaknesses and bring them to the Lord. I do that by asking myself some pretty hard questions. The outcome is worth any uncomfortable recognition about myself. The outcome is relationship with the Redeemer and resulting changes in me.
We can learn from the strengths and weaknesses of Nephi or Lot, Peter or Laman, Judas or Joseph. Our Savior was willing to suffer for us all. Somehow I think that levels the playing field. We are Heaven’s family. We can ALL learn from each other as we practice likening ALL scripture unto ourselves.
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, November 14, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
I the middle of the Gospel Doctrine lesson that followed, as the teacher rounded the corner to 2 Nephi 32, I raised my hand and shared the likening lesson I had experienced just moments before, during the Sacrament. The response was interesting. For the next 10 minutes, class members discussed the positive value of pondering. “Well, the Lord expects us to do some thinking on our own!” At last the teacher concluded and emphasized in no uncertain terms, “You know, these people Nephi was addressing were really really bad.” In other words, we couldn’t possibly liken ourselves to them.
I listened and made no further comment. I wondered though, how they might react, if they knew that in my study, I allow the Lord to teach me by likening my behavior unto a variety of scripturally imperfect mortals, like Laman, Jonah, faltering Sarah, etc. It’s worth it! It challenges! It helps me grow!
If I never see myself in the “bad guys” I will completely miss the remedy for redemption. And while I am busy patting myself on the back for not being “that bad,” those who recognize their “wickedness” are busy embracing the words of the prophets and the redemptive power of Jesus Christ for themselves. I fear for those of us who are “pretty good.” I fear that the “not that bad” will need the Savior “not that much.”
Like the little child who finds himself in trouble, we are not past playing the, “But he…” card, pointing out some greater sin in our brother or sister, ancient or modern. It makes us feel good as we place ourselves on the behavior scale and find that we score high on the chart in comparison. But what if in the end, it is not about a comparison based on behavior. What if it’s all about recognition of sin based on principles and learning to come unto Christ for redeeming power, no matter what the sin?
If a princess has only a pea-sized sin under her set of mattresses it’s still absolutely critical to recognize the thing and remove it. I think I can learn something about that process from what the prophets say to the princes and princesses attempting to rest on a foundation of boulders-sized sins.
Likening scripture is not about exact comparison. No human experience is the exact mirror of another. If that is what we are looking for we will miss some very important lessons. Here is a simple three-question method for likening all scripture unto ourselves and receiving all we can from the process:
1. What? – Prayerfully read the scripture story or account. Write about what happened, the details for story.
2. So What? – Prayerfully seek to understand and write about the principle involved.
3. What Now? - Be brave and allow the spirit to possibly convict you of your own weakness. Write about your experience. Then prayerfully receive and record the counsel you receive from the Holy Spirit and the scriptures.
I have been willing to study with an eye for my shortcomings in the light of greater understanding of the purpose of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As a result of His sacrifice He has received power to change me, convert me, redeem me today. That is His work and His glory. It brings Him joy. My work is to recognize my weaknesses and bring them to the Lord. I do that by asking myself some pretty hard questions. The outcome is worth any uncomfortable recognition about myself. The outcome is relationship with the Redeemer and resulting changes in me.
We can learn from the strengths and weaknesses of Nephi or Lot, Peter or Laman, Judas or Joseph. Our Savior was willing to suffer for us all. Somehow I think that levels the playing field. We are Heaven’s family. We can ALL learn from each other as we practice likening ALL scripture unto ourselves.
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, November 14, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
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