Who is Going to “Pretect” Us? And What is a “Harmerax”? - Step 2

I was your classic scared of the dark “Heavenly Father, Please bless me that I won’t have any bad dreams,” “Close the closet doors mommy,” “Please check under the bed daddy,” kind of a kid. After I was put to bed I would lie there, full of anxiety, anticipating the moment when everyone in the house would be asleep and then it would just be me, in the dark. I would completely miss my chance to fall asleep while my parents were still up and going and then the whole house would become quiet and dark and all that was left were the shadows and the bumps in the night! I would lie there until I couldn’t stand it any more, and then I would sneak out of my bed, tip toe into my parents room, lean my little girl head over my daddy’s sleeping face, getting as close as I could and in a half whisper I’d say, “Daddy, I’m scared!” After he recovered from a child induced heart attack, my dad would kindly escort me back to my room, muttering something like, “You’re the biggest spook in the house,” and re-tuck me in, and check the closet and under the bed for monsters and such things.

Fear seems to be one of the things we have in common. Some of us come by it rightly. Some of us have grown up in very terrifying situations. For others, “the fall” itself seems to be reason enough for earth life anxiety. My upbringing was not frightening except that someone killed the president of the United States and his brother and a black preacher and in my school there were sit-ins and walk-outs. When we moved from Utah to California we had to start locking our doors and someone stole some stuff out of our garage one night. Once when we were on vacation in Utah some people, who didn’t like the way things were, burned up a city near our home in California. I think I came to earth scarred, but the world around was not exactly reassuring, even if my parents were.

Carson, who is experiencing “four years old” right now, seems to have come to earth with some fear, just like his Grandma Nan. Lately and frequently, if he knows his parents are going out he asks, “Who is going to ‘pretect us’?”

In our family the most repeated phrase in family prayer has always been, “Please bless us that no “harm or accident” will come upon us and that no robbers will come and steal anything or steal us.” One night when my son Andrew was little he finished saying the family prayer, as he had done many times, and looked up at me and said, “Mommy, what’s a harmerax?"

Fear is a foundational problem for those who struggle with compulsive/obsessive behavior. Out of fear we turn to things for comfort that are ultimately self-destructive. In recovery there are two questions answered for us that seem to help us turn a corner from living in fear to living in faith. The two questions are the same questions asked by Carson and Andrew. Who is going to “pretect” us? And what is a “harmerax” or in other words, what do we need to be afraid of?

Recovery principles are leading me to a personal knowledge of a very loving, powerful, protecting, saving God. I experience His protection every day in multiple ways. And this God who is so worthy of my trust is teaching me that I can turn all my fears over to Him, “harmerorax” and all.

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, September 7, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
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