Several years ago we had an exchange student from Japan, Koichi, stay with us for week. While he was here he asked lots and lots of questions which I attempted to answer. There was a definite language barrier. There is one question he asked that I will never forget. It had been a crazy busy day of attending to the needs of my husband and five children, our home school, housework, homework, my calling to the Young Women, and the exchange student. It was growing late. I was weary. Koichi watched as I finished one of many conversations I had on the phone that evening and put the last dish into the dishwasher. As I hung up the phone he asked me a question that still makes me laugh and gives me pause when I remember it. He asked, “What time house close?”
One of my great temptations is to squeeze absolutely everything I can out of the day, until late in the day, and still go to bed unsatisfied. It’s a problem! I think it’s actually a sin.
We have been promised that the scriptures contain answers to our problems. As I have studied with this problem in mind I have been taught some things that are helping me. I want to share two references with you.
First, one day I was reading the first chapters of the Old Testament in the Book of Genesis. The seven simple words that spoke to my soul were these, “and God saw that it was good.” Every day for five days He looked at what had been accomplished and called it good and on the last day of creation He looked over the divine project and “saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.” (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31)
I took note. God never came to the end of one day of creation wishing He had accomplished two. As day five came to a close, the day He created the great whales and all the birds of the sky, He was at perfect peace about waiting until tomorrow, day six, to create man. His daily work was done in wisdom and in order and at the end of the day God looked over His work and “saw that it was good.” This speaks to my insatiable appetite for doing more than should belong in a single day.
In Psalms 118:24 I found a verse that touched me in regard to my dissatisfaction at the end of the day. It reads, “This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalms 118:24). My days are under the watchful eye, the loving orchestration, and the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. How can I be dissatisfied over the little daily trifles of life?
“What Time House Close?” I want to learn to quit at the end of the day, well before the today threatens to become tomorrow, and while I still have energy to “rejoice and be glad in it.” And then I want to look over the day with an optimistic grateful eye, trusting that this is the day the Lord has made. Tomorrow will come soon enough, and if I trust God it too will be full of creation just perfect for another day.
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday January 30, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
“That’s Not On My Schedule!” – Step 3 and Step 11
This week my daughter shared the following conversation that took place between her and her 5-year-old, Maddie:
"Maddie, it’s time to go outside and play"
"That's not in my SCHEDULE Mom"
"What schedule?"
"Well you said the other day that it was good to have a schedule of what you do each day, so now I keep mine in my brain, and going outside is not in my schedule"
"Well going outside IS in my schedule so come outside with us...OK"
NO mom!!!! (and on and on)
This was Madeline's new thing this week. Although it’s cute it’s driving her mother crazy. Apparently Maddie’s mom was planning her own day and told Maddie that she schedules her days so she can be prepared for what’s coming up. Maddie’s daddy also makes a record of his appointments and plans for the week. My Granddaughter is learning by example.
Maddie’s mom reports that she has come up with a solution for these scheduling conflicts. “I am going to encourage Madeline to tell me her schedule in the morning, the one that’s ‘in her brain’ so that I know what she’s thinking, and then I will tell her what she needs to add or take away to have a good day! I am hoping this will work, but we'll see.”
The other morning apparently Maddie’s plan called for her to wake up at 3:30am and play with her doll in the front room with the hall and living room lights ablaze. Her exhausted mother wandered in and explained that it was time to be in bed and that everyone in the state was asleep. Maddie said, "No they aren't I just heard a car drive by.” He mother’s reply to her precocious little lady was, "Except for him!” (Thanks buddy, for driving by at just the wrong moment!) Maddie finally fell asleep. It was just part of her new little schedule!
This little interchange made me laugh. I could see myself in Maddie. I have a schedule in my brain too. Sometimes it doesn’t exactly coordinate with the Lord’s plan for my day. What works best for God and me is the very same thing that my daughter is trying with her five-year-old budding organizational genius. These are my instructions from the Lord, “Nannette, tell Me the schedule that is ‘in your brain’ in the morning, and then I will tell you what you need to add or take away to have a good day!”
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
"Maddie, it’s time to go outside and play"
"That's not in my SCHEDULE Mom"
"What schedule?"
"Well you said the other day that it was good to have a schedule of what you do each day, so now I keep mine in my brain, and going outside is not in my schedule"
"Well going outside IS in my schedule so come outside with us...OK"
NO mom!!!! (and on and on)
This was Madeline's new thing this week. Although it’s cute it’s driving her mother crazy. Apparently Maddie’s mom was planning her own day and told Maddie that she schedules her days so she can be prepared for what’s coming up. Maddie’s daddy also makes a record of his appointments and plans for the week. My Granddaughter is learning by example.
Maddie’s mom reports that she has come up with a solution for these scheduling conflicts. “I am going to encourage Madeline to tell me her schedule in the morning, the one that’s ‘in her brain’ so that I know what she’s thinking, and then I will tell her what she needs to add or take away to have a good day! I am hoping this will work, but we'll see.”
The other morning apparently Maddie’s plan called for her to wake up at 3:30am and play with her doll in the front room with the hall and living room lights ablaze. Her exhausted mother wandered in and explained that it was time to be in bed and that everyone in the state was asleep. Maddie said, "No they aren't I just heard a car drive by.” He mother’s reply to her precocious little lady was, "Except for him!” (Thanks buddy, for driving by at just the wrong moment!) Maddie finally fell asleep. It was just part of her new little schedule!
This little interchange made me laugh. I could see myself in Maddie. I have a schedule in my brain too. Sometimes it doesn’t exactly coordinate with the Lord’s plan for my day. What works best for God and me is the very same thing that my daughter is trying with her five-year-old budding organizational genius. These are my instructions from the Lord, “Nannette, tell Me the schedule that is ‘in your brain’ in the morning, and then I will tell you what you need to add or take away to have a good day!”
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Foundation of All Aftercare – Step 1
Last year I accompanied my nephew, Jonathan, to the hospital and waited while he had surgery on the collarbone he broke playing Ultimate Frisbee the first week of the new semester at the university. When the surgery was complete the doctor came in, showed me the x-ray of his mended bone, which was now full of tiny little screws. Ouch! Then he chatted with me about the particulars of his recovery from surgery, his aftercare plan. He gave me detailed information and instructions. While recovering it was important for Jonathan to take seriously the reality of what his body had undergone and the healing that needed to take place.
As the doctor walked out of the room I had some time to think before they released my nephew from the recovery room. While I waited I thought about my own recovery and my own need for aftercare. So often in support meetings I hear people say they are back on Step 1. For me it’s still important to take Step 1 every day and sometimes multiple times a day. Even after 20 years of working to apply the 12 Steps and 90 pounds of recovery from compulsive eating I have to stay in tune with the correct answer to this question. By whose direction and power do you remain in recovery? It’s true that admitting our own powerlessness is the first step we take, but its also true that acknowledging my humble need for divine help continues to be critical to my aftercare.
It is good to remember that I am powerless. It’s OK to feel like I’m at risk, like my recovery isn’t all sewn up, like it’s tender and new, like I’m vulnerable. These feelings help me take seriously the reality of what I have undergone and the healing that needs to take place and continue to take place. These feelings keep me suiting up and showing up, and participating in all the activities that not only speed my progress along but also strengthen and deepen my recovery for the long haul.
I hope I always remember that I’m at risk. When I am in that frame of mind I am more likely to take Peter’s advise: “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). When I keep in mind that I am in a state of recovering, that I need to heal, and that my condition is fragile I feel the greatest need and willingness to surrender my care to the Primary Care Physician, Jesus Christ.
By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, January 25, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
As the doctor walked out of the room I had some time to think before they released my nephew from the recovery room. While I waited I thought about my own recovery and my own need for aftercare. So often in support meetings I hear people say they are back on Step 1. For me it’s still important to take Step 1 every day and sometimes multiple times a day. Even after 20 years of working to apply the 12 Steps and 90 pounds of recovery from compulsive eating I have to stay in tune with the correct answer to this question. By whose direction and power do you remain in recovery? It’s true that admitting our own powerlessness is the first step we take, but its also true that acknowledging my humble need for divine help continues to be critical to my aftercare.
It is good to remember that I am powerless. It’s OK to feel like I’m at risk, like my recovery isn’t all sewn up, like it’s tender and new, like I’m vulnerable. These feelings help me take seriously the reality of what I have undergone and the healing that needs to take place and continue to take place. These feelings keep me suiting up and showing up, and participating in all the activities that not only speed my progress along but also strengthen and deepen my recovery for the long haul.
I hope I always remember that I’m at risk. When I am in that frame of mind I am more likely to take Peter’s advise: “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). When I keep in mind that I am in a state of recovering, that I need to heal, and that my condition is fragile I feel the greatest need and willingness to surrender my care to the Primary Care Physician, Jesus Christ.
By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, January 25, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
How Effective Is Your Self-Talk? – Step 11
In the world of popular psychology there has been much talk about “Self Talk.” It is generally advised that we keep the conversation that goes on in our heads positive. I find single-handedly holding down a “Positive Mental Attitude” to be a big order.
In recovery I am learning to replace “self talk” with a running conversation with the Lord. I figure that if I’m commanded to counsel with the Lord in ALL my doings (Alma 37:37) that doesn’t leave much time for self-talk, positive or negative. It requires a conscious effort to turn the thoughts that play in my head to Him, but it is well worth the effort. I find that if I take my honest thoughts, positive or negative, to Him, He does direct [me] for good (Alma 37:37).
The Lord has ALL wisdom. We have received the invitation to talk everything over with the God of all wisdom! What an opportunity! Sometimes I allow a problem or a decision to ramble around in my head for hours. I think I just assume or take for granted that the Lord knows my thoughts and must be listening in. When I finally get sick of talking to myself and getting nowhere I remember that I actually haven’t addressed the Lord at all. I forget that His respect for my agency requires Him to wait until called. And when I finally do invite Him into the conversation I find what the Lord said to Isaiah to be true:
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9).
His thoughts are better than my thoughts. He has invited me to think with Him. He wants to be involved in my thought life. When the Lord and I put our heads together it is far more effective than thinking things through with me, myself and I.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, January 24, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
In recovery I am learning to replace “self talk” with a running conversation with the Lord. I figure that if I’m commanded to counsel with the Lord in ALL my doings (Alma 37:37) that doesn’t leave much time for self-talk, positive or negative. It requires a conscious effort to turn the thoughts that play in my head to Him, but it is well worth the effort. I find that if I take my honest thoughts, positive or negative, to Him, He does direct [me] for good (Alma 37:37).
The Lord has ALL wisdom. We have received the invitation to talk everything over with the God of all wisdom! What an opportunity! Sometimes I allow a problem or a decision to ramble around in my head for hours. I think I just assume or take for granted that the Lord knows my thoughts and must be listening in. When I finally get sick of talking to myself and getting nowhere I remember that I actually haven’t addressed the Lord at all. I forget that His respect for my agency requires Him to wait until called. And when I finally do invite Him into the conversation I find what the Lord said to Isaiah to be true:
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9).
His thoughts are better than my thoughts. He has invited me to think with Him. He wants to be involved in my thought life. When the Lord and I put our heads together it is far more effective than thinking things through with me, myself and I.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, January 24, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Friday, January 23, 2009
My Goodly Parents, Carrying the Message by Teaching “Somewhat” - Step 12
Today would have been my Father’s 80th Birthday. That’s hard to even comprehend, because when he left us thirty-eight years ago he was the forty-two year old daddy of two daughters and five sons, ages ranging from sixteen (me) to age three. I write this as a tribute to him and as a reminder to me.
The first words of the Book of Mormon are these. “I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father…” Nephi credits his parents with laying his educational and spiritual foundation. I believe that this is no truer for Nephi than it is for me. My time with my father was cut short. My father was a brilliant scientist and a well-read student of the gospel. He died when I was only sixteen years old. How can I possibly say that I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father?
I guess that the most instructive word in this sentence is, “somewhat.” It means “to a considerable degree, significantly.” My father’s legacy of learning, passed to me, truly was complete. Not that my head is full of all the facts and figures and understandings that comprise the body of his knowledge. No, that is not it at all.
What my father passed on to me is three fold. During his lifetime he had learned that the three most important things in life are God, Family, and Country. He truly qualifies as a goodly parent even though he left me early in my life, because he gave me a love for learning in these significant areas of life.
He showed me by example what it looks like to put God first and to love the word of God and His restored gospel. I saw him get out of his bed and bend his cancer-ridden body before the Lord in prayer time and time again. The gospel was what he loved to discuss. We have been commanded to talk of Christ and to rejoice in Christ, and “talk of” and “rejoice in” he did. This is not common in today’s world and I am most grateful for his example.
My father valued his family. It was important to him that we be given truth. He was never too tired to explain Heavenly Father’s plan one more time to a frightened little child (me) who could not sleep. Family night and family scripture study were important to him and were carried out before most of the church even attempted that challenge.
When I say he loved his country he did, but when I think of the love of my father for “land” I don’t just mean our homeland. My dad was a scientist because he loved the whole earth and everything therein. He was curious about everything from the tallest mountain to the tiniest electron.
Several summers ago I had the experience of being reminded of this inheritance as I stood with my children in the California home I grew up in and in the classroom where my father taught chemistry until he died. It was wonderful to share the past with my family, but to me it was more than that. I stood in these sweet places of my past, surrounded by memories, with tears rolling down my cheeks. I believe that it was a reminder of who I am and where I come from. I am not the scholar my dad is but I love the things he loved and I hate the things he hated. I think that means I was taught somewhat (significantly) in all the learning of my father.
Nephi says that he was born of “goodly parents,” of a goodly father and mother, “therefore [he] was taught somewhat in all the learning of his father.” The greatest gift a child can receive is the like-mindedness of his or her parents in regard to what needs to be taught. I was given this blessing. It turned out to be very significant in the lives of my brothers and sister and I that my mother was “goodly” because we lost our father to cancer at the age of forty-two. It is a wonder to me that though my father was there and my mother was here, the goodly teaching in word and example went on and still goes on today. The diffusion of the learning of my father with my mother as chief agent is a divine example of the goodly parents principle.
If we are to progress in this life it is important to be very aware of the truth the “goodly” have passed to us. We are not our own, and the truth we have inherited is not our own. I thank my goodly parents with all my heart for their unified, un-disrupted teaching.
In the fellowship of recovery we come to the challenge of teaching, or carrying the message to others in Step 12 from a great variety of prior experiences. As a result of applying these 12 Steps to our lives many of us are just now coming to understand what is most important. I believe that the transformation in our lives today shines a very bright light on what we now desire to pass along. I want to remember that in only sixteen short years my dad was able to teach his young daughter what was most important to him. I’ve more than tripled my age since then, but what he taught me still really matters. I testify that it’s never too early to teach “somewhat” and it’s absolutely never too late either!
Happy Birthday Dad!
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, January 23, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
The first words of the Book of Mormon are these. “I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father…” Nephi credits his parents with laying his educational and spiritual foundation. I believe that this is no truer for Nephi than it is for me. My time with my father was cut short. My father was a brilliant scientist and a well-read student of the gospel. He died when I was only sixteen years old. How can I possibly say that I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father?
I guess that the most instructive word in this sentence is, “somewhat.” It means “to a considerable degree, significantly.” My father’s legacy of learning, passed to me, truly was complete. Not that my head is full of all the facts and figures and understandings that comprise the body of his knowledge. No, that is not it at all.
What my father passed on to me is three fold. During his lifetime he had learned that the three most important things in life are God, Family, and Country. He truly qualifies as a goodly parent even though he left me early in my life, because he gave me a love for learning in these significant areas of life.
He showed me by example what it looks like to put God first and to love the word of God and His restored gospel. I saw him get out of his bed and bend his cancer-ridden body before the Lord in prayer time and time again. The gospel was what he loved to discuss. We have been commanded to talk of Christ and to rejoice in Christ, and “talk of” and “rejoice in” he did. This is not common in today’s world and I am most grateful for his example.
My father valued his family. It was important to him that we be given truth. He was never too tired to explain Heavenly Father’s plan one more time to a frightened little child (me) who could not sleep. Family night and family scripture study were important to him and were carried out before most of the church even attempted that challenge.
When I say he loved his country he did, but when I think of the love of my father for “land” I don’t just mean our homeland. My dad was a scientist because he loved the whole earth and everything therein. He was curious about everything from the tallest mountain to the tiniest electron.
Several summers ago I had the experience of being reminded of this inheritance as I stood with my children in the California home I grew up in and in the classroom where my father taught chemistry until he died. It was wonderful to share the past with my family, but to me it was more than that. I stood in these sweet places of my past, surrounded by memories, with tears rolling down my cheeks. I believe that it was a reminder of who I am and where I come from. I am not the scholar my dad is but I love the things he loved and I hate the things he hated. I think that means I was taught somewhat (significantly) in all the learning of my father.
Nephi says that he was born of “goodly parents,” of a goodly father and mother, “therefore [he] was taught somewhat in all the learning of his father.” The greatest gift a child can receive is the like-mindedness of his or her parents in regard to what needs to be taught. I was given this blessing. It turned out to be very significant in the lives of my brothers and sister and I that my mother was “goodly” because we lost our father to cancer at the age of forty-two. It is a wonder to me that though my father was there and my mother was here, the goodly teaching in word and example went on and still goes on today. The diffusion of the learning of my father with my mother as chief agent is a divine example of the goodly parents principle.
If we are to progress in this life it is important to be very aware of the truth the “goodly” have passed to us. We are not our own, and the truth we have inherited is not our own. I thank my goodly parents with all my heart for their unified, un-disrupted teaching.
In the fellowship of recovery we come to the challenge of teaching, or carrying the message to others in Step 12 from a great variety of prior experiences. As a result of applying these 12 Steps to our lives many of us are just now coming to understand what is most important. I believe that the transformation in our lives today shines a very bright light on what we now desire to pass along. I want to remember that in only sixteen short years my dad was able to teach his young daughter what was most important to him. I’ve more than tripled my age since then, but what he taught me still really matters. I testify that it’s never too early to teach “somewhat” and it’s absolutely never too late either!
Happy Birthday Dad!
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, January 23, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
You don’t have to be a Hinckley Scholar to use the tools of reading and writing!
I never imagined that reading and writing would become so important to me. I wasn’t an early reader and even to this day I can read faster aloud than silently. My elementary school grades in reading and spelling always remained in the B/C range. I grew up when phonics instruction was nonexistent. Instead of teaching phonics in the 1960s they used the “see it and say it” method which didn’t help my reading or my spelling. One of my hallmarks today is that I always carry a bad spellers dictionary. I was accepted to BYU on the grounds that before graduation I would take and pass a class designed for those who didn’t fare very well on the spelling portion of the ACT. I took the special class my senior year, just before graduation. I reviewed the rules that were supposed to help and took multiple tests. Before the final exam I went to my teacher and said, “Look, if you give me the words in advance I’ll memorize them and pass this class, but if the words are randomly chosen I’ll flunk and I won’t graduate.” He asked to see all my previous tests. I sat nervously as he reviewed each of them. Finally he looked up at me and said, “You are a smart bad speller. Don’t come back to class, and promise you will always carry a bad speller’s dictionary. Finally my handwriting never advanced beyond the elementary school level. I never did develop the recommended mature slant with a creative flare. My cursive to this day is straight up and down and as round as the sample alphabet running above the black board in my 5th grade classroom. Don’t worry! I did graduate.
Today reading and writing are an essential part of my recovery. I share my early struggle with these subjects as part of my witness that reading and writing are not tools of recovery reserved for the intellectually elite.
The scriptures, recovery literature, and the classics have expanded my vision and understanding of living in recovery. I’m not so concerned with the speed of my reading as I am with the quality. Reading allows me to have a glimpse into the minds of those who have done what I am endeavoring to do. What do they think? It also allows me to peek into the lives of those who have done what I am endeavoring to do. How do they live and why? Through the tool of reading I have the opportunity to learn very detailed, personal, applicable things from folks I will never meet. I benefit from the experience of those who have been successful. That’s a real gift.
I find that if I am willing to write as I read I am doubly blessed. I often record in my little notebook the thoughts and feelings that come to me as I read. I am constantly asking the Lord to help me see what I can learn about myself from this event or that character. I am always taught. I’m familiar with the saying, “When the student is ready the teacher appears.” Sometimes I wonder if the very act of holding a willing pen and grabbing my notebook is a sign to Him that I am serious about receiving instruction. Writing is an essential part of my recovery. As I am prayerful and watchful of the thoughts that come to my mind, Jesus Christ, through the gift of the Hoy Ghost teaches me about myself using the language and experience of others. He helps me see myself in them. And long after the reading has been put down, if I continue to listen to my own thoughts and feelings, He often teaches me more. He seems to be ever willing to extend my learning beyond the page that stimulates the initial thoughts.
I also use the tool of writing as a lifeline and as a spot check. I write based simply on my need to talk to God in the middle of the day or night about what’s going on. When I take time to write down my thoughts, no matter how confused or frustrated I am, He always extends to me the gift of clarity. Solutions, ideas, perspectives come to me that are undeniably from above and absolutely beyond my mortal capacity. He gives me sanity. He gives me peace. He gives me vision. He allows me to see real possibilities.
Prayerfully reading inspired literature (scripture, recovery, or classical) with an ear cocked in God’s direction, a pen in my hand and a notebook on my lap brings powerful recovery. Addressing God and learning from Him and being willing to take notes on what He teaches me is my way of putting God and His word to me first in my life.
You don’t have to be a Hinckley Scholar to use the tools of reading and writing! Reading and writing are not tools reserved for the intellectually elite. They are however tools reserved for those who are willing to set the table and dine on the word of the Lord.
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, January 22, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Today reading and writing are an essential part of my recovery. I share my early struggle with these subjects as part of my witness that reading and writing are not tools of recovery reserved for the intellectually elite.
The scriptures, recovery literature, and the classics have expanded my vision and understanding of living in recovery. I’m not so concerned with the speed of my reading as I am with the quality. Reading allows me to have a glimpse into the minds of those who have done what I am endeavoring to do. What do they think? It also allows me to peek into the lives of those who have done what I am endeavoring to do. How do they live and why? Through the tool of reading I have the opportunity to learn very detailed, personal, applicable things from folks I will never meet. I benefit from the experience of those who have been successful. That’s a real gift.
I find that if I am willing to write as I read I am doubly blessed. I often record in my little notebook the thoughts and feelings that come to me as I read. I am constantly asking the Lord to help me see what I can learn about myself from this event or that character. I am always taught. I’m familiar with the saying, “When the student is ready the teacher appears.” Sometimes I wonder if the very act of holding a willing pen and grabbing my notebook is a sign to Him that I am serious about receiving instruction. Writing is an essential part of my recovery. As I am prayerful and watchful of the thoughts that come to my mind, Jesus Christ, through the gift of the Hoy Ghost teaches me about myself using the language and experience of others. He helps me see myself in them. And long after the reading has been put down, if I continue to listen to my own thoughts and feelings, He often teaches me more. He seems to be ever willing to extend my learning beyond the page that stimulates the initial thoughts.
I also use the tool of writing as a lifeline and as a spot check. I write based simply on my need to talk to God in the middle of the day or night about what’s going on. When I take time to write down my thoughts, no matter how confused or frustrated I am, He always extends to me the gift of clarity. Solutions, ideas, perspectives come to me that are undeniably from above and absolutely beyond my mortal capacity. He gives me sanity. He gives me peace. He gives me vision. He allows me to see real possibilities.
Prayerfully reading inspired literature (scripture, recovery, or classical) with an ear cocked in God’s direction, a pen in my hand and a notebook on my lap brings powerful recovery. Addressing God and learning from Him and being willing to take notes on what He teaches me is my way of putting God and His word to me first in my life.
You don’t have to be a Hinckley Scholar to use the tools of reading and writing! Reading and writing are not tools reserved for the intellectually elite. They are however tools reserved for those who are willing to set the table and dine on the word of the Lord.
By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, January 22, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
“Mommy, I Just Wanted To Get A Violin, Ya Know, Just Have One!”
Helping children with music lessons is definitely upper division training for parents. I can’t even imagine how many hours I’ve spent tutoring at the piano, encouraging from the kitchen sink, and sitting through lessons. My biggest adventure into the unknown came when my youngest daughter asked if she could please play the violin. Having no idea what that involved but being open to her young desire to go where no musician in our family had ever dared go, I went to the local music store and brought home a very tiny violin, rent to own. I hired a teacher and for over a year my little girl and I worked together Suzuki style.
I will spare you all the details, mostly because I don’t remember them. What I do remember is that much of the time it was not a very happy experience. Let’s just say that there was great resistance at the requirement to practice. During one such trying crying session my five-year-old little musician and I had the following conversation.
“Am I finished Mom?”
“Just one more thing to practice honey.”
“But I don’t want to practice. I just wanted to get a violin mommy, ya know, just have one!”
I recorded her words in my journal in 1987 because they made me laugh, but also because I can relate, though not in regard to the violin. There was a moment in my past when my Father promised me the opportunity to learn to work with an instrument of His creation and I “shouted for joy” at the prospect. Even so, there are days when I could have the following conversation with Him:
“Am I finished Heavenly Father? Have I learned enough today?”
“Just one more lesson honey.”
“But I don’t want to practice. I just wanted to get a body Heavenly Father, ya know, just have one!”
Our daily rehearsal is carried out between body and spirit. Our spirit is the living player and our otherwise lifeless body the magnificent instrument. The body, although excellent and intricate, having been wonderfully made by The Master Craftsman, is as lifeless as a fine violin sitting in its case. But when brought together with the living spirit, as violin to violinist, there is tremendous promise. Together our body and spirit have magnificent potential.
May we continue our daily practice! May we never give up! May we internalize the truth that at one time we literally stood in the presence of God and cheered at the prospect, not only of having a body, but working with it, practicing, training, taking lesson after lesson, rehearsing with this Godly gift until we reach our full potential, until we become like Him!
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
I will spare you all the details, mostly because I don’t remember them. What I do remember is that much of the time it was not a very happy experience. Let’s just say that there was great resistance at the requirement to practice. During one such trying crying session my five-year-old little musician and I had the following conversation.
“Am I finished Mom?”
“Just one more thing to practice honey.”
“But I don’t want to practice. I just wanted to get a violin mommy, ya know, just have one!”
I recorded her words in my journal in 1987 because they made me laugh, but also because I can relate, though not in regard to the violin. There was a moment in my past when my Father promised me the opportunity to learn to work with an instrument of His creation and I “shouted for joy” at the prospect. Even so, there are days when I could have the following conversation with Him:
“Am I finished Heavenly Father? Have I learned enough today?”
“Just one more lesson honey.”
“But I don’t want to practice. I just wanted to get a body Heavenly Father, ya know, just have one!”
Our daily rehearsal is carried out between body and spirit. Our spirit is the living player and our otherwise lifeless body the magnificent instrument. The body, although excellent and intricate, having been wonderfully made by The Master Craftsman, is as lifeless as a fine violin sitting in its case. But when brought together with the living spirit, as violin to violinist, there is tremendous promise. Together our body and spirit have magnificent potential.
May we continue our daily practice! May we never give up! May we internalize the truth that at one time we literally stood in the presence of God and cheered at the prospect, not only of having a body, but working with it, practicing, training, taking lesson after lesson, rehearsing with this Godly gift until we reach our full potential, until we become like Him!
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
“I’m Going To Count To Three and Then…” - Step 12 Having Had A Spiritual Awakening
The parenting skill that requires moms and dads to count to three, to think of a consequence that will get a child’s attention, and then follow through, must be new to my generation of parents. I don’t remember my mom or dad ever counting. I adopted the technique as a seventeen-year-old freshman at BYU when I was enrolled in a class for potential elementary school teachers. As part of my experience I was required to spend a semester as an aid in an actual classroom. For three months I watched as a seasoned teacher, in the face of thirty plus seven-year-olds, lifted his voice above the clamor with these words: “I am going to count to three and if you do not _______ I will _______!!!!! The response was usually striking. I took note.
By the time I finished student teaching my junior year I was a “counting” professional and I was about to bring my first child into the world. For some reason “professional counting” is much more effective than “mother counting.” As my children got older I found myself counting higher and slower (three, ten, nineteen, nineteen and a half). In addition I became less inventive and had less energy. It was difficult to think of just the right consequences. “Natural consequences” were what parenting specialists suggested. And sometimes the punishment I had to enforce felt more like a punishment for me than the child.
One day I was sitting in Relief Society listening to a lesson on how to discipline children when I heard these words come out of the teacher’s mouth. “I occasionally tell my children that by the time I count to three I want them to ______. I don’t know what I would do if I ever got clear to the number three.” That did it! I didn’t know what I would do either and I always got way past the number three. By the time I was raising my fifth child I would say, with the smile of a mother who has grown a little less serious, “I’m going to count and if you don’t ______ something really really bad is going to happen.” This technique delighted my newly acquired son-in-law who couldn’t wait until the day he could count for little ones of his own.
How I relished the times (and I have to say there were many) when my children were obedient because they wanted to be, because they knew it was right, because they loved me, and because they could see the good that comes from being good.
I’m not so different from the little children in my life. I have been propelled to be “good” based on my desire to stay out of trouble with earthly parents and with my Heavenly Father. I know that if it becomes necessary for God to count to three and levy consequences He is willing. What ever it takes! Enos, speaking of his people says, “…And the people were a stiffnecked people…And there was nothing save it was exceeding harshness preaching and prophesying of wars, and contentions, and destructions, and continually reminding them of death, and the duration of eternity, and the judgments and the power of God, and all these things—stirring them up continually to keep them in the fear of the Lord. I say there was nothing short of these things, and exceedingly great plainness of speech, which would keep them from going down speedily to destruction…”
Perhaps the greatest miracle of applying the 12 Steps and “recovering” our relationship with our Heavenly Father and His Son is the change in our own motivation to do the thing they’ve asked us to do. Today I use the tools we have been given (prayer, scripture study, meetings etc), not to stay out of trouble with God, but to come unto Christ because I love Him and I need His help. As I apply each of the steps to my daily life with His divine assistance I feel His love for me. Today I want my obedience to be motivated by love and humility not “I’m counting to three and then…”
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
By the time I finished student teaching my junior year I was a “counting” professional and I was about to bring my first child into the world. For some reason “professional counting” is much more effective than “mother counting.” As my children got older I found myself counting higher and slower (three, ten, nineteen, nineteen and a half). In addition I became less inventive and had less energy. It was difficult to think of just the right consequences. “Natural consequences” were what parenting specialists suggested. And sometimes the punishment I had to enforce felt more like a punishment for me than the child.
One day I was sitting in Relief Society listening to a lesson on how to discipline children when I heard these words come out of the teacher’s mouth. “I occasionally tell my children that by the time I count to three I want them to ______. I don’t know what I would do if I ever got clear to the number three.” That did it! I didn’t know what I would do either and I always got way past the number three. By the time I was raising my fifth child I would say, with the smile of a mother who has grown a little less serious, “I’m going to count and if you don’t ______ something really really bad is going to happen.” This technique delighted my newly acquired son-in-law who couldn’t wait until the day he could count for little ones of his own.
How I relished the times (and I have to say there were many) when my children were obedient because they wanted to be, because they knew it was right, because they loved me, and because they could see the good that comes from being good.
I’m not so different from the little children in my life. I have been propelled to be “good” based on my desire to stay out of trouble with earthly parents and with my Heavenly Father. I know that if it becomes necessary for God to count to three and levy consequences He is willing. What ever it takes! Enos, speaking of his people says, “…And the people were a stiffnecked people…And there was nothing save it was exceeding harshness preaching and prophesying of wars, and contentions, and destructions, and continually reminding them of death, and the duration of eternity, and the judgments and the power of God, and all these things—stirring them up continually to keep them in the fear of the Lord. I say there was nothing short of these things, and exceedingly great plainness of speech, which would keep them from going down speedily to destruction…”
Perhaps the greatest miracle of applying the 12 Steps and “recovering” our relationship with our Heavenly Father and His Son is the change in our own motivation to do the thing they’ve asked us to do. Today I use the tools we have been given (prayer, scripture study, meetings etc), not to stay out of trouble with God, but to come unto Christ because I love Him and I need His help. As I apply each of the steps to my daily life with His divine assistance I feel His love for me. Today I want my obedience to be motivated by love and humility not “I’m counting to three and then…”
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Tools of the Trade
Morning prayer, a little writing in my journal, read and liken a few verses out of the Book of Mormon to myself, a few minutes in some recovery literature along with some writing, plan my food for the day, and a call to my sponsor – that’s how most of my mornings begin. Last week after coming home from the 12:00 pm support meeting I stood at the kitchen sink putting my lunch together and making three outreach calls to other people working to apply the 12 Steps to their individual struggle.
As I hung up the phone and sat down to the lunch I’d committed to my sponsor in the morning I thought about all the tools of recovery I had used before lunch, and a little saying marched through my mind that made me smile: “These are the tools of the trade, Nannette.” The trade? That’s absolutely right! In recovery we trade our relationship with a substance or a behavior for a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The tools of recovery or “the dailies” as they are affectionately call are a wonderful gift. They are the tools of the best trade I’ve ever made!
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, January 19, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
As I hung up the phone and sat down to the lunch I’d committed to my sponsor in the morning I thought about all the tools of recovery I had used before lunch, and a little saying marched through my mind that made me smile: “These are the tools of the trade, Nannette.” The trade? That’s absolutely right! In recovery we trade our relationship with a substance or a behavior for a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The tools of recovery or “the dailies” as they are affectionately call are a wonderful gift. They are the tools of the best trade I’ve ever made!
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, January 19, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Humility Bridges the Gap – Step 12 Carrying the Message
My Relief Society experience began back in the olden days before we began our study of the teachings of modern day prophets. We rotated between these subjects: Spiritual Living, Cultural Refinement, and Mother Education. I spent quite a few years being the Mother Education teacher. Having the opportunity to study each month about motherhood was a great blessing, but this assignment had its challenges. I taught one Sunday each month. Without fail the morning I was to teach Mother Education always turned out to be the worst “get five children ready for church and out the door without loosing the Spirit” experience of the month. By the time we were all seated in Sacrament Meeting my feelings about the joys of motherhood were definitely in question and I certainly did not feel qualified to teach a lesson on some lofty quality of good mothering. The double whammy came when the Mother Education lesson and Mother’s Day fell on the same Sunday, which it invariably did.
Every month as I went in to teach a lesson on the most important work I was involved in, I was invited by Satan to feel humiliation because my kids were kids and because I was in the process of learning how to be a great mother and hadn’t quite arrived. As I sat in Sacrament Meeting, in the light of the Spirit, my humiliation would slowly turn towards humility. The Spirit would whisper to me that my morning and my week of mothering had probably been very much like the mornings of all those I would teach. We are not so very different from each other. In that Spirit I could teach. In that Spirit I could feel the love of the Lord for those I taught. I could feel His concern. I wasn’t all wrapped up in weather or not I had mastered the subject at hand. I could share my experience, what seemed to work and what didn’t. Others felt free to share their triumphs and even their failures. There was a feeling of “We’re all in this together.” And more important, there was an atmosphere of humble testimony that none of us could do this work without the enabling power or grace of Jesus Christ.
We will be called to teach in areas where we have struggled. We can be powerful teachers if our experience has brought us past humiliation to a place of humility before the Lord and before our brothers and sisters. The experience, faith, and hope we have to offer will be genuine because it will have grown out of the fire of experience. In humility we can demonstrate the before and the after. We can stand as witnesses, not of ourselves but of the power of God to transform. That is the testimony the world waits to hear. Humility bridges the gap between the truth we teach and the truth we try to live.
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, January 16, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Every month as I went in to teach a lesson on the most important work I was involved in, I was invited by Satan to feel humiliation because my kids were kids and because I was in the process of learning how to be a great mother and hadn’t quite arrived. As I sat in Sacrament Meeting, in the light of the Spirit, my humiliation would slowly turn towards humility. The Spirit would whisper to me that my morning and my week of mothering had probably been very much like the mornings of all those I would teach. We are not so very different from each other. In that Spirit I could teach. In that Spirit I could feel the love of the Lord for those I taught. I could feel His concern. I wasn’t all wrapped up in weather or not I had mastered the subject at hand. I could share my experience, what seemed to work and what didn’t. Others felt free to share their triumphs and even their failures. There was a feeling of “We’re all in this together.” And more important, there was an atmosphere of humble testimony that none of us could do this work without the enabling power or grace of Jesus Christ.
We will be called to teach in areas where we have struggled. We can be powerful teachers if our experience has brought us past humiliation to a place of humility before the Lord and before our brothers and sisters. The experience, faith, and hope we have to offer will be genuine because it will have grown out of the fire of experience. In humility we can demonstrate the before and the after. We can stand as witnesses, not of ourselves but of the power of God to transform. That is the testimony the world waits to hear. Humility bridges the gap between the truth we teach and the truth we try to live.
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, January 16, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Let’s Buckle Up and Enjoy the Ride! – Step 3
Here’s a paradox. We often become involved in destructive behavior in the name of personal freedom. Then to our dismay, this sign of our independence actually leads to bondage.
It is also a paradox that the only way to become truly free is to become truly submissive. Those who have practiced this manner of living have discovered the following reality – “The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. Therefore dependence [as we practice it in applying the 12 Steps to our lives] is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit” (Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Page 36).
I was thinking about these curious truths the other day when a picture came to my mind. It was the picture of my children strapping all their children into car seats every Sunday night after our big family dinner. Most of the time the kids are very cooperative but every once in awhile one of them goes through a phase that is very frustrating. I’ve seen the babies arch their backs, kick and scream, and resist being secured in the car seat with all the strength they can muster. I watch as the parents patiently work with their out-of- control little one, finally getting them strapped into the seat and the seat strapped into the car. It’s exhausting!
Sometimes I’m like a fit throwing, car seat resistant child in relation to God. The Lord promises me that if I will submit to Him I will be free from every type of bondage. Then He will be free to take me and transport me back to the arms of my Heavenly Father. I want so badly for the Lord to orchestrate my life for good. I want Him to help me go and do all that He would have me do. I sing “I’ll Go Where You Want Me To Go Dear Lord” with gusto. But sometimes I refuse to get in the car seat. I’m finding that if I’m not buckled up we’re not going anywhere.
For me the car seat represents yielding to the loving parameters the Lord sets for me. I do this by submitting to those things that secure my safety - like daily prayer and scripture, abstaining from compulsive addictive behavior, attending my meetings, attending the temple, working through the 12 Steps and supporting others in the process etc. Today I feel like I am strapped in pretty tight and I testify that I have never felt more free! When I start to resist I say to myself, “Nannette, relax and allow Him to make you secure. Allow Jesus Christ to be the driver, the director. Allow Him to be the vehicle and proceed by His power. That’s real freedom!”
Divine Security, Direction and Power! It’s this combination that allows the Lord the take us any place we need to go. So Let’s Buckle Up and Enjoy the Ride!
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
It is also a paradox that the only way to become truly free is to become truly submissive. Those who have practiced this manner of living have discovered the following reality – “The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. Therefore dependence [as we practice it in applying the 12 Steps to our lives] is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit” (Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Page 36).
I was thinking about these curious truths the other day when a picture came to my mind. It was the picture of my children strapping all their children into car seats every Sunday night after our big family dinner. Most of the time the kids are very cooperative but every once in awhile one of them goes through a phase that is very frustrating. I’ve seen the babies arch their backs, kick and scream, and resist being secured in the car seat with all the strength they can muster. I watch as the parents patiently work with their out-of- control little one, finally getting them strapped into the seat and the seat strapped into the car. It’s exhausting!
Sometimes I’m like a fit throwing, car seat resistant child in relation to God. The Lord promises me that if I will submit to Him I will be free from every type of bondage. Then He will be free to take me and transport me back to the arms of my Heavenly Father. I want so badly for the Lord to orchestrate my life for good. I want Him to help me go and do all that He would have me do. I sing “I’ll Go Where You Want Me To Go Dear Lord” with gusto. But sometimes I refuse to get in the car seat. I’m finding that if I’m not buckled up we’re not going anywhere.
For me the car seat represents yielding to the loving parameters the Lord sets for me. I do this by submitting to those things that secure my safety - like daily prayer and scripture, abstaining from compulsive addictive behavior, attending my meetings, attending the temple, working through the 12 Steps and supporting others in the process etc. Today I feel like I am strapped in pretty tight and I testify that I have never felt more free! When I start to resist I say to myself, “Nannette, relax and allow Him to make you secure. Allow Jesus Christ to be the driver, the director. Allow Him to be the vehicle and proceed by His power. That’s real freedom!”
Divine Security, Direction and Power! It’s this combination that allows the Lord the take us any place we need to go. So Let’s Buckle Up and Enjoy the Ride!
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Family Support – Give It Time!
Early in my application of the 12 Steps I admitted to my spouse and children that I was working on changing some things about myself. I let them know that I was not only going to work on my compulsive overeating, I was also going to work on my perfectionism. Becoming honest about our own imperfections and struggles and practicing the principles of recovery in the open, in front of our children, spouses, parents, siblings, and friends is a challenge.
First, it is tempting to others to use our weaknesses and our honesty about weaknesses as an opportunity for manipulation. Here’s a little example: One day I requested that my child clean his or her room (I’ll let this child remain anonymous). To my utter amazement, in retaliation, I was reminded by the child that, “You’re just a perfectionist mom! You should see my friends’ rooms!” I was accused of acting out on an obsessive desire to have a clean house because I asked a teenager to clean up.
The reality of addiction, the discomfort of withdrawal, coming to understand that we can’t fix each other, coupled with a new honesty in the house makes for an environment where any of us might seize the opportunity to throw recovery in the face of another instead of working on our own.
Second, sometimes in a family setting, with recovery on the front burner, hard things are pointed out to us, not to manipulate, but because they’re true. I find that if I am honest, open minded and willing to listen, those who are truthful with me can be truly helpful. Here’s an example: The other day I was on the phone with someone who needed to talk to me as soon as possible. I was on my way out the door to go to a meeting. I told the woman I would be home about 1:15 pm and I would give her a call. My husband overheard the conversation. When I hung up he said, “Why do you do that?” “Why do I do what?” I responded. “Why do you tell her you’ll be home at 1:15 when you’re never home until after 1:30.” In my perfectionism and my desire to please people I chronically make appointments I can’t possibly make on time. It’s crazy I know. Well, I was tempted to be defensive with my husband and his observation. But instead, and “in recovery” I said, “Your right. I’ll call her back.” I called the woman back and made an appointment not based on my desire to please her but on my honest ability to keep the appointment. I’m trying to practice not getting defensive in the face of the truth about me.
It’s tempting to take advantage of someone’s newly admitted fallen state. It’s also hard to hear the truth about ourselves from people who know us best. When my honesty becomes their means to manipulate I pray for the ability to not take it personally. I try to remember that we are all learning. When their honesty presents an opportunity for me to have a good look at myself I pray for the humility to use it as an opportunity to grow. It takes a while to establish an atmosphere of honesty, humility, accountability, and loving patience with the process, in the home. We not only recover and heal as individuals, but as families. Family Support - Give It Time!
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, January 12, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
First, it is tempting to others to use our weaknesses and our honesty about weaknesses as an opportunity for manipulation. Here’s a little example: One day I requested that my child clean his or her room (I’ll let this child remain anonymous). To my utter amazement, in retaliation, I was reminded by the child that, “You’re just a perfectionist mom! You should see my friends’ rooms!” I was accused of acting out on an obsessive desire to have a clean house because I asked a teenager to clean up.
The reality of addiction, the discomfort of withdrawal, coming to understand that we can’t fix each other, coupled with a new honesty in the house makes for an environment where any of us might seize the opportunity to throw recovery in the face of another instead of working on our own.
Second, sometimes in a family setting, with recovery on the front burner, hard things are pointed out to us, not to manipulate, but because they’re true. I find that if I am honest, open minded and willing to listen, those who are truthful with me can be truly helpful. Here’s an example: The other day I was on the phone with someone who needed to talk to me as soon as possible. I was on my way out the door to go to a meeting. I told the woman I would be home about 1:15 pm and I would give her a call. My husband overheard the conversation. When I hung up he said, “Why do you do that?” “Why do I do what?” I responded. “Why do you tell her you’ll be home at 1:15 when you’re never home until after 1:30.” In my perfectionism and my desire to please people I chronically make appointments I can’t possibly make on time. It’s crazy I know. Well, I was tempted to be defensive with my husband and his observation. But instead, and “in recovery” I said, “Your right. I’ll call her back.” I called the woman back and made an appointment not based on my desire to please her but on my honest ability to keep the appointment. I’m trying to practice not getting defensive in the face of the truth about me.
It’s tempting to take advantage of someone’s newly admitted fallen state. It’s also hard to hear the truth about ourselves from people who know us best. When my honesty becomes their means to manipulate I pray for the ability to not take it personally. I try to remember that we are all learning. When their honesty presents an opportunity for me to have a good look at myself I pray for the humility to use it as an opportunity to grow. It takes a while to establish an atmosphere of honesty, humility, accountability, and loving patience with the process, in the home. We not only recover and heal as individuals, but as families. Family Support - Give It Time!
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, January 12, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Puzzled? - The Power of Example
One thing I didn’t get to do this season was to put together a puzzle. Relaxing is not my forte, but when a puzzle is on the dining room table and the members of my family who like that sort of thing are sitting around chatting and laughing and announcing every puzzle piece they have been cleaver enough to place – I simply can’t resist! The one problem my family has with putting a puzzle together is that there are not enough lids to the puzzle box to go around. The picture is the key to all our success. If there is ever any upset during the activity is it likely because someone has taken possession of the box lid and no one else can make any progress.
I was doing a little spring-cleaning after the holidays and ran across a box of 500 and 1000 piece puzzles we had done in past years. They were all the “really cute” ones that we had such a good time putting together and I couldn’t bear to throw away. Apparently no one wants to do them again because they’ve already been done. As I looked through the box there were a couple of puzzles that did find their way to the trash. They were puzzles that for some reason or another had been put into zip lock bags. No Box! No Picture! As I pulled them out my thought was, “There is no way in the world anyone would ever dump these thousand pieces out on a table and try to put this puzzle together without a picture of the finished product, without any clues.
That’s what trying to apply the 12 Steps would be like without the example of those who have already taken this road. When we hear their stories, what their life was like, what it’s like now, the steps they took, and the tools they used, we begin to feel a spark of hope that we too might be able to make progress. For me, that’s the blessing of attending recovery support meeting, calling support people, and reading about the experience of others.
It’s so tempting to resist coming to meetings, making calls, seeing examples in the scriptures, and spending time reading about the recovery of others because we’re embarrassed by our great need. We hope that somehow we can figure it out on our own. I want to remember that going it alone in recovery, with no example of how it works, is impossible. The “old timers” are key! Trying to apply these 12 principles without examples is like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle that’s been dumped in a baggie. There’s a reason we all fight over the lid to the puzzle box. Without it we're sunk. With it there is every reason to believe that, as we work together, the puzzle will come together.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, January 10, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
I was doing a little spring-cleaning after the holidays and ran across a box of 500 and 1000 piece puzzles we had done in past years. They were all the “really cute” ones that we had such a good time putting together and I couldn’t bear to throw away. Apparently no one wants to do them again because they’ve already been done. As I looked through the box there were a couple of puzzles that did find their way to the trash. They were puzzles that for some reason or another had been put into zip lock bags. No Box! No Picture! As I pulled them out my thought was, “There is no way in the world anyone would ever dump these thousand pieces out on a table and try to put this puzzle together without a picture of the finished product, without any clues.
That’s what trying to apply the 12 Steps would be like without the example of those who have already taken this road. When we hear their stories, what their life was like, what it’s like now, the steps they took, and the tools they used, we begin to feel a spark of hope that we too might be able to make progress. For me, that’s the blessing of attending recovery support meeting, calling support people, and reading about the experience of others.
It’s so tempting to resist coming to meetings, making calls, seeing examples in the scriptures, and spending time reading about the recovery of others because we’re embarrassed by our great need. We hope that somehow we can figure it out on our own. I want to remember that going it alone in recovery, with no example of how it works, is impossible. The “old timers” are key! Trying to apply these 12 principles without examples is like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle that’s been dumped in a baggie. There’s a reason we all fight over the lid to the puzzle box. Without it we're sunk. With it there is every reason to believe that, as we work together, the puzzle will come together.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, January 10, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Friday, January 9, 2009
“We Don’t Ever Have To Put Christmas Away” – Step 3 Trust In God
This was the first Christmas in years I have been completely void of the desire to “take down Christmas” as we say. The first year I remember feeling this way was my first baby’s first Christmas. My mother-in-law had always decorated her tree with little birds. She was growing older and was unmotivated about setting up Christmas trees etc. A nice poinsettia was all her heart desired. She graciously gave me all her little birds and the family tradition was carried on in our home. Mandy was just the right age to be fascinated with the tree and especially with the delicate birds. I remember taking the tree down, sometime after New Years Eve, during her afternoon nap. Tears streamed down my cheeks at the thought of her waking up. It would never be her first Christmas again, and her first Christmas tree covered with little birds would be nowhere in sight. Vanished!
This year I think I could’ve left the tree up indefinitely, or at lest until the glacier of ice and snow in our front yard melts. My children all voiced to me at Sunday dinner January 4th that this would be highly inappropriate. I knew they were right, but I love plugging in the tree on December 26, when all the Christmas parties are over and all the gifts have been bought, wrapped, unwrapped, and taken home. Somehow at that moment the light on the tree looks different to me. There’s almost a tangible feeling of rest in the room. I had the idea of maybe putting everything away slowly and asked my husband if he would just bring the storage boxes into the house and tuck them away in the family room. Well, I guess hadn’t really shared with my husband my plans to enjoy the Christmas setting a little longer; I went out for a couple of hours and when I walked into the house the whole tree was down and all the decorations were stacked in neat little piles waiting for my attention. I gave up and spent the rest of the evening boxing up Christmas. I made the best of it, but I felt like I was boxing up “peace.”
As usual it feels nice to have it all tucked away in the garage again. And as I write I am struck with the truth that many things don’t keep forever but Christmas does. Taking the wreath off the front door, boxing up the decorations, and throwing away the last of the goodies on the kitchen counter – Those are the things we do to declare the holiday had ended. But, there really is no end, because Christmas is Jesus Christ. His life and the life He has given us is never ending, ever lasting.
No matter how much we wish they would, babies don’t last. This year was Mandy’s first Christmas with her first baby. Now she’s the one with a lump in her throat as she celebrates the lasts of all the firsts. Even the little glass birds don’t last forever. One by one they have been replaced by more durable less delicate varieties. But Christmas lasts forever. The day after Christmas and the day after that and on and on day after day the same blessings that come to us because of the life of Jesus remain available. Christmas is truly The Gift that keeps on giving.
When I box up Christmas I’m not boxing up the His peace, His love, His grace, His revelation or the daily tender mercies that come because of Him. He said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the word giveth, give I unto you. Let not you heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).
We can endure all the things of this life that change before our very eyes, because Christ has made all the good and all the joys of this life Eternal. We Don’t Ever Have To Put Christmas Away!
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, January 9, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
This year I think I could’ve left the tree up indefinitely, or at lest until the glacier of ice and snow in our front yard melts. My children all voiced to me at Sunday dinner January 4th that this would be highly inappropriate. I knew they were right, but I love plugging in the tree on December 26, when all the Christmas parties are over and all the gifts have been bought, wrapped, unwrapped, and taken home. Somehow at that moment the light on the tree looks different to me. There’s almost a tangible feeling of rest in the room. I had the idea of maybe putting everything away slowly and asked my husband if he would just bring the storage boxes into the house and tuck them away in the family room. Well, I guess hadn’t really shared with my husband my plans to enjoy the Christmas setting a little longer; I went out for a couple of hours and when I walked into the house the whole tree was down and all the decorations were stacked in neat little piles waiting for my attention. I gave up and spent the rest of the evening boxing up Christmas. I made the best of it, but I felt like I was boxing up “peace.”
As usual it feels nice to have it all tucked away in the garage again. And as I write I am struck with the truth that many things don’t keep forever but Christmas does. Taking the wreath off the front door, boxing up the decorations, and throwing away the last of the goodies on the kitchen counter – Those are the things we do to declare the holiday had ended. But, there really is no end, because Christmas is Jesus Christ. His life and the life He has given us is never ending, ever lasting.
No matter how much we wish they would, babies don’t last. This year was Mandy’s first Christmas with her first baby. Now she’s the one with a lump in her throat as she celebrates the lasts of all the firsts. Even the little glass birds don’t last forever. One by one they have been replaced by more durable less delicate varieties. But Christmas lasts forever. The day after Christmas and the day after that and on and on day after day the same blessings that come to us because of the life of Jesus remain available. Christmas is truly The Gift that keeps on giving.
When I box up Christmas I’m not boxing up the His peace, His love, His grace, His revelation or the daily tender mercies that come because of Him. He said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the word giveth, give I unto you. Let not you heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).
We can endure all the things of this life that change before our very eyes, because Christ has made all the good and all the joys of this life Eternal. We Don’t Ever Have To Put Christmas Away!
By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, January 9, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
"I'll Get Out And Sit With You" - Step 2
My sister recently told me about an experience I want to share. One morning during the holiday break Jane called her daughter Amy. It was her grandson’s 1st birthday. No official extended family celebration had been planned. After their phone visit Jane had the thought that it would be fun to pick up all the local cousins and drive the hour and a half for a spur of the moment party for the birthday boy. She called her daughter to let her know they would be coming. Amy was thrilled.
“The way down was really quite pleasant,” she explained. “I put Carter and Drew (around age 4) in the very back seat, the two two-year-olds in the middle seats by the doors, and Abigail (age 7) between them to help them out if needed. We listened to children’s music all the way there. When we got there we ate a simple meal, opened presents, and ate cake shaped like a horse along with ice cream. Then, not wanting to get home too late, we said our goodbyes. It took me about 15 minutes just to get everyone back into their car seats! This was quite an undertaking!”
“The ride home from the party did not go quite as well as the ride to the party. Abbie, the 7-year-old “mother in training” started things out by turning around, looking at the 4-year-old cousins in the back seat and saying, "Now when I click my fingers like this.... it means that you guys better behave!" I should have known that was a sign. By now it was dark outside. About 10 minutes into the drive, Drew and Carter began to get wild, and Drew punched Carter in the face. Carter wailed! He called up to the front seat and told me what had happened and I scolded Drew and told him to stop, but as time went on, things didn't change. I was very frustrated and after several more tries from the front seat, I decided it was time for new measures. I pulled the car over, got out and leaned over the back seat to get to Drew. I think he was a bit surprised. I shook my finger at him and said, "Now if you don't cut this out right now, I'm going to put you outside in the cold and you can sit out there and settle down. Do you understand me?" "Yes," he replied.”
“Needless to say it was quiet for several minutes and I was grateful. Then I heard this little voice come from the back seat. It was Drew, who said, ‘Well, grandma...if you put me outside the car, I won't know where you are and I'll maybe get lost.’”
“Then I heard the sweetest response, also from the back seat. Carter (who had been the receiver of the hitting) said, ‘Hey Drew, that's OK, I'll get out and sit with you.’”
“I felt at that moment I had been taught by a little child. I saw a parallel, vividly. In my mind Drew was like you and I and Carter was like Jesus.”
Step 3 says, “Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete sanity.” The most stunning aspect of the Lord’s power to restore us is His patience in the face of our outbursts and His loving willingness to sit with us. We’ve each hurt the Savior on more than one occasion and He’s felt the pain, more than we can ever understand. But the Savior, like Carter, is always willing to and in fact continues to sit out in the cold with us, until we are ready to behave and get back into the car for the rest of the journey.
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
“The way down was really quite pleasant,” she explained. “I put Carter and Drew (around age 4) in the very back seat, the two two-year-olds in the middle seats by the doors, and Abigail (age 7) between them to help them out if needed. We listened to children’s music all the way there. When we got there we ate a simple meal, opened presents, and ate cake shaped like a horse along with ice cream. Then, not wanting to get home too late, we said our goodbyes. It took me about 15 minutes just to get everyone back into their car seats! This was quite an undertaking!”
“The ride home from the party did not go quite as well as the ride to the party. Abbie, the 7-year-old “mother in training” started things out by turning around, looking at the 4-year-old cousins in the back seat and saying, "Now when I click my fingers like this.... it means that you guys better behave!" I should have known that was a sign. By now it was dark outside. About 10 minutes into the drive, Drew and Carter began to get wild, and Drew punched Carter in the face. Carter wailed! He called up to the front seat and told me what had happened and I scolded Drew and told him to stop, but as time went on, things didn't change. I was very frustrated and after several more tries from the front seat, I decided it was time for new measures. I pulled the car over, got out and leaned over the back seat to get to Drew. I think he was a bit surprised. I shook my finger at him and said, "Now if you don't cut this out right now, I'm going to put you outside in the cold and you can sit out there and settle down. Do you understand me?" "Yes," he replied.”
“Needless to say it was quiet for several minutes and I was grateful. Then I heard this little voice come from the back seat. It was Drew, who said, ‘Well, grandma...if you put me outside the car, I won't know where you are and I'll maybe get lost.’”
“Then I heard the sweetest response, also from the back seat. Carter (who had been the receiver of the hitting) said, ‘Hey Drew, that's OK, I'll get out and sit with you.’”
“I felt at that moment I had been taught by a little child. I saw a parallel, vividly. In my mind Drew was like you and I and Carter was like Jesus.”
Step 3 says, “Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete sanity.” The most stunning aspect of the Lord’s power to restore us is His patience in the face of our outbursts and His loving willingness to sit with us. We’ve each hurt the Savior on more than one occasion and He’s felt the pain, more than we can ever understand. But the Savior, like Carter, is always willing to and in fact continues to sit out in the cold with us, until we are ready to behave and get back into the car for the rest of the journey.
By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Perfectionism Is…
Perfectionism is the debilitating fear
Of being in trouble with myself
and
Always being
In trouble with myself
And
Blaming other people and circumstances
For my private discontent
Of being in trouble with myself
and
Always being
In trouble with myself
And
Blaming other people and circumstances
For my private discontent
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
A Lesson From the Wood Shed – “Doing the Next Right Thing”
My dad was raised in a charming little lumber town in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Nearly everyone in town worked for the lumber company which consisted of a lumber mill and a box factory. My Grandpa ran the warehouse. The main street of the town was lined with small, wooden, bungalow type houses. Each house, including the house my dad grew up in, was painted barn red with white trim. Everyone’s back yard was a never-ending wonderland of pine trees. It was quite the backdrop for growing up.
Over the years most of the big timber was been cut down, and shortly after I was born it was determined that the mill should be closed. The day the mill was to shut down it caught fire and burned to the ground and my relations moved away. When I was a little girl I loved nothing more that to sit with the grownups and listen to them reminisce and swap memories of days gone by in this little corner of God’s creation. I was a girl growing up in the big city listening to stories about a two-room schoolhouse, horses, winter snow that reached the eaves of the little red houses, and forts and tree swings in the forest. In my mind I imagined it all, including family picnics to the lake, complete with a basket full of grandma’s cooking and a red-checkered tablecloth. As described by my grandma and grandpa, and my aunts and dad, their upbringing sounded like pages out of a book, that kind of book you wish you could crawl inside.
Sometimes my dad would use stories from his life in this little wonderland to illustrate some particular life lesson he wanted us to grasp. The illustration that most readily comes to my mind is a very simple one. My dad would pull this metaphor out of his back pocket anytime there was a job to be done that was too big, to daunting, bigger than me or bigger than the combined heart might mind and strength of all his children.
As I mentioned, part of the lumber business was a box-making factory where wooden boxes were made. These were the kind of boxes like the ones we sometimes find at the small town fruit stand filled with peaches or pears. The construction of these boxes also produced a mountain of wood scraps. Before the snow began to fly, the lumber company would distribute small mountains of scraps in the driveways of all the little houses in the lumber village to be used as wood in their stoves throughout the winter.
Behind dad’s barn red house was a red slant roofed shed. The sole purpose of this shed was to house the firewood supply that would keep the family warm through the frozen winter months when all those pine trees were laden with frozen white snow. It took four loads of wood to fill the shed. Though, as a little boy, dad didn’t work for the lumber company, he was required to work for his family. His biggest chore involved this mountain. His assignment was to toss every piece of scrap wood in this daunting pile through the shed window.
When we were faced with something overwhelming dad would often bring up the memory of this childhood responsibility. He described it as a very discouraging job for a little boy. He told us that at first he would look up at the mountain of scraps and think of his assignment in despair. Then he made a simple discovery that gave him what it took to get each and every piece of wood from the driveway, through that window and into the shed. He found if he would focus on tossing in one piece at a time the job could be done. The advice my dad offered, whenever a task seemed to big, was to “wood shed it.” We all knew what that meant. No matter what we were challenged by, success would come as we were willing to exert the smallest bit of effort, consistently, in the right direction.
I remember the first time I sat in a meeting and listened as the 12 Steps were read aloud. I was dumbfounded at the list of 12 simple but not easy recommendations. I know I’m not the only one who's felt such initial fear. The book Alcoholics Anonymous, affectionately know as the Big Book, discloses the feelings of those pioneers who forged the way for us, “Many…exclaimed, ‘What an order!’” (Page 60) The book goes on to disclose the stories of men and women who, by the grace of God, were able to do the work required - one day at time, one prayer at a time, one meeting at a time, one moment of reaching out to another sufferer at a time, and one step at a time, for a lifetime.
“What an order!” Those words take my mind to that little woodshed, filled to the brim against the coming winter by a little boy who was willing to pick up one piece of scrap wood at a time and toss it in the window.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, January 3, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
Over the years most of the big timber was been cut down, and shortly after I was born it was determined that the mill should be closed. The day the mill was to shut down it caught fire and burned to the ground and my relations moved away. When I was a little girl I loved nothing more that to sit with the grownups and listen to them reminisce and swap memories of days gone by in this little corner of God’s creation. I was a girl growing up in the big city listening to stories about a two-room schoolhouse, horses, winter snow that reached the eaves of the little red houses, and forts and tree swings in the forest. In my mind I imagined it all, including family picnics to the lake, complete with a basket full of grandma’s cooking and a red-checkered tablecloth. As described by my grandma and grandpa, and my aunts and dad, their upbringing sounded like pages out of a book, that kind of book you wish you could crawl inside.
Sometimes my dad would use stories from his life in this little wonderland to illustrate some particular life lesson he wanted us to grasp. The illustration that most readily comes to my mind is a very simple one. My dad would pull this metaphor out of his back pocket anytime there was a job to be done that was too big, to daunting, bigger than me or bigger than the combined heart might mind and strength of all his children.
As I mentioned, part of the lumber business was a box-making factory where wooden boxes were made. These were the kind of boxes like the ones we sometimes find at the small town fruit stand filled with peaches or pears. The construction of these boxes also produced a mountain of wood scraps. Before the snow began to fly, the lumber company would distribute small mountains of scraps in the driveways of all the little houses in the lumber village to be used as wood in their stoves throughout the winter.
Behind dad’s barn red house was a red slant roofed shed. The sole purpose of this shed was to house the firewood supply that would keep the family warm through the frozen winter months when all those pine trees were laden with frozen white snow. It took four loads of wood to fill the shed. Though, as a little boy, dad didn’t work for the lumber company, he was required to work for his family. His biggest chore involved this mountain. His assignment was to toss every piece of scrap wood in this daunting pile through the shed window.
When we were faced with something overwhelming dad would often bring up the memory of this childhood responsibility. He described it as a very discouraging job for a little boy. He told us that at first he would look up at the mountain of scraps and think of his assignment in despair. Then he made a simple discovery that gave him what it took to get each and every piece of wood from the driveway, through that window and into the shed. He found if he would focus on tossing in one piece at a time the job could be done. The advice my dad offered, whenever a task seemed to big, was to “wood shed it.” We all knew what that meant. No matter what we were challenged by, success would come as we were willing to exert the smallest bit of effort, consistently, in the right direction.
I remember the first time I sat in a meeting and listened as the 12 Steps were read aloud. I was dumbfounded at the list of 12 simple but not easy recommendations. I know I’m not the only one who's felt such initial fear. The book Alcoholics Anonymous, affectionately know as the Big Book, discloses the feelings of those pioneers who forged the way for us, “Many…exclaimed, ‘What an order!’” (Page 60) The book goes on to disclose the stories of men and women who, by the grace of God, were able to do the work required - one day at time, one prayer at a time, one meeting at a time, one moment of reaching out to another sufferer at a time, and one step at a time, for a lifetime.
“What an order!” Those words take my mind to that little woodshed, filled to the brim against the coming winter by a little boy who was willing to pick up one piece of scrap wood at a time and toss it in the window.
By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, January 3, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.
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