Last year I accompanied my nephew, Jonathan, to the hospital and waited while he had surgery on the collarbone he broke playing Ultimate Frisbee the first week of the new semester at the university. When the surgery was complete the doctor came in, showed me the x-ray of his mended bone, which was now full of tiny little screws. Ouch! Then he chatted with me about the particulars of his recovery from surgery, his aftercare plan. He gave me detailed information and instructions. While recovering it was important for Jonathan to take seriously the reality of what his body had undergone and the healing that needed to take place.
As the doctor walked out of the room I had some time to think before they released my nephew from the recovery room. While I waited I thought about my own recovery and my own need for aftercare. So often in support meetings I hear people say they are back on Step 1. For me it’s still important to take Step 1 every day and sometimes multiple times a day. Even after 20 years of working to apply the 12 Steps and 90 pounds of recovery from compulsive eating I have to stay in tune with the correct answer to this question. By whose direction and power do you remain in recovery? It’s true that admitting our own powerlessness is the first step we take, but its also true that acknowledging my humble need for divine help continues to be critical to my aftercare.
It is good to remember that I am powerless. It’s OK to feel like I’m at risk, like my recovery isn’t all sewn up, like it’s tender and new, like I’m vulnerable. These feelings help me take seriously the reality of what I have undergone and the healing that needs to take place and continue to take place. These feelings keep me suiting up and showing up, and participating in all the activities that not only speed my progress along but also strengthen and deepen my recovery for the long haul.
I hope I always remember that I’m at risk. When I am in that frame of mind I am more likely to take Peter’s advise: “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). When I keep in mind that I am in a state of recovering, that I need to heal, and that my condition is fragile I feel the greatest need and willingness to surrender my care to the Primary Care Physician, Jesus Christ.
By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, January 25, 2009
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
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